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Cromwell Argus, Volume LXVIII, Issue 3484, 30 August 1937, Page 7

Old Joues looked cautiously round the door —and saw a burglar trying to open the safe In the corner. “Just wait here a minute, will you?” asked Jones politely. “Wot, and 'ave you 'phone the perlice?” retorted the burglar sarcastically.

“Oh, no," replied Jones. “I won’t do that! I just want to call my wife. She’ll be glad to meet you. She’s heard you every night for the last twenty years.”

“Michael, will ye lind me the loau of a shillen*?” ‘1 will not.” "Come, Michael; just a shillen’, the way I’ll repay ye on Friday.” “I’ll lind ye nothin’."

“Ah, ye mean thief; ivrybody knows ye’d let yar old mother go to the workhouse before ye’d give her a pinny.” “An’ if I wouldn’t give me old mother a pinny, why would I be lindin’ you the loan of a shillen’?”

It was late at night; the taxi had just pulled up at the kerb and McPherson got out and began fumbling in his pocket. At last he handed the driver a coin.

“I have known gents what gives a bit over,” grumbled the taxi-di*iver. “Aye,” said McPherson. “That's why I asked ye to stop under a lamp.”

Billy (staying on uncle’s farm): “There's a mouse in the milk pail.” Uncle: "Did you pull It out?” “fso, but it's all right—l put the cat in.”