SHOPPING PROBLEMS.

Cromwell Argus, Volume LXI, Issue 3167, 15 June 1931, Page 2

SHOPPING PROBLEMS.

"My bubsand is building a chickenhouse," said the lady to the ironmonger, "and he wants you to send round some wire netting." "Did he say anything about the mesh, madam?" asked the shopman.

"I don't know that it's any business of yours," retorted the customer, "but I said all that needed saying about the mess. Turning the whole garden upside down!" Explanations followed, and calm was restored. Iron was the next thing required. "Plain or corrugated,- madam?" queried the man of hardware. "He did say, and I've quite forgotten," replied the lady, "but I think he wants that sort with the permanent wave." ■ NEW COOKERY. Phychologists say ■< The cook of to-day Should think loving thoughts while she's cooking; No malice may show, Tho' covered with dough . . And an acid-faced mistress is looking? We're told: "Cook with love!" So with thoughts far above Earthly things, cooks will fondle the cruet; They'll seek to reveal Aspirations ideal, And make puddings forgetting the suet! Customer: "Well, what's been the matter with it?" Watch-maker: "Oh, just a matter of a pinion/' Customer: "How much is it, then?" Watch-maker: "Ten-and-six, please." Customer: "But surely that is too much." ' Watch-maker: "Not at all. You see that's not a matter of opinion." "I love to. bear Gladys sing," said old Mrs. Comely; "she has such a malodorous voice!" Green: "We had a sensational case of kidnapping in our house last night." Brown: "Really! How did it happen?" Green: "The baby slept all night." Brown: "The short story seems to be very popular these days." Green: "Yes. Nearly every man I meet stops to tell me how short he Is." Two middle-aged city men met at the club after being out of touch with each other for some years. "Why, Dodson," exclaimed one, "are you still a bachelor?" "Yes," was the reply, r "Necessity or choice ?" "Both! My necessity: her choice!" An example in naval reduction Is Denmark. She owns only two cruisers. One is reported for sale, the other either fof gale- or destruction Once a man started out bright and early to sell, a funny story. Late that night he. plodded wearily home. He had visited twelve newspaper offices and twenty magazine offices, and all, bad declined to accept his joke. "There's such a thing," he said, sadly, "as carrying a joke too far." i —• A vicar was visiting one of his poorer parishioners, an old woman afflicted with deafness, who expressed her great regret at not being able to hear his sermons. Desiring to be sympathetic, he said with unnecessary self-depreciation: "You don't miss much." "So they tell me!" was the unexpected reply.