MARRIAGE FOR MEN.

Cromwell Argus, Volume LXI, Issue 3161, 4 May 1931, Page 2

MARRIAGE FOR MEN.

MONEY. Money is at the root of more discord in married life than any other single cause. It is the one subject that is guaranteed to cause trouble between any couple, even though they have celebrated their golden wedding, and in all other matters have attained perfect understanding. I am ashamed to say it, but the truth must be told, and the truth is that man himself is largely to blame. No matter how lacking in money sense he may be himself, he thinks his wife ought to be abundantly blessed with it, and although he is totally incapable of saving a penny he will criticise her handling of the family finances. In addition to this failing, very few husbands take the trouble even to try to understand the natural laws which govern the financial reasonings of the other sex.

Don't make any rules about money don't have any hard and fast ideas on the subject. Try by all the means in your power never to mention it. Don't imagine that if you are wealthy all you have to do to make your wife happy is give her a lot of money; if you are not so wealthy do not think it is just a matter of giving her all you can afford. The problem is not nearly so simple as that. The subject has to be discussed in the early days of marriage, of course. There is no way of avoiding it, for there is the housekeeping allowance to be fixed; probably a dress allowance as well.

Now women are queer creatures. The girl you have married, in her anxiety to impress you, and in her complete ignorance of domestic economy, will estimate an absurdly low figure as being ample. It may be two pounds a week, or twenty pounds, according to her luck and your job. But the point which matters is that she will under-estimate her needs. That happens in every case except when the woman is cut out for a business career rather than marriage. At first things will go along smoothly. She will be quite unable to manage, but will struggle along in some way sooner than ask for more. If she has money of her own she will certainly draw upon it. This sort of tiling cannot last for ever, and before long she will begin to grow resentful. Her pride will not let her admit that she was wrong in her estimate, but she will think you are both thoughtless and mean because you do not realise she was wrong, and tactfully offer her more. Then, one day, something will happen to cause trouble, and everything will come tumbling out. Naturally, you will be aghast. You made an arrangement, and now she is calling you all sorts of names because you haven't seen that, so far as your wife was concerned, the arrangement was a bad one. Why didn't she ask for more?

That is one of the things no man can understand; but you've just got to accept it. Having to ask for money for the first time is the worst ordeal a wife has to go through, because it means such a loss of pride. At some stage, it must be admitted, she generally overcomes her reluctance, after which asking for money becomes a habit, but the first time is always postponed again and again. However, this rather painful scene will end, as do all such scenes, with love and kisses, profuse apologies from you, and an increased allowance. After which things will go smoothly for a while.

Do not be lulled by this temporary calm into a belief that money troubles are all over. No wife is ever really satisfied with her allowance, and they all harbor, to a greater or less degree, a sense of injustice. This will come out iu many ways. One day your wife will mention the extreme incompetence of some other wife, and cite as an example the fact that this lady buys flowers when there are plenty in the garden to pick. If you agree that this is a wicked waste of money (as you will if you are wise) your wife will go on to mention that the neighbor in question receives a much more generous allowance than she does. Ask how she knows, and she will retort that the other woman is always wasting money in such ways. Accept this without endeavoring to delve any more deeply into the matter. If you ask any more questions, then before you know where you are you will be heatedly defending yourself for having been so unappreciative of your wife's efforts to manage as to hold up a wickedly extravagant woman as an example to her. Don't ask me how the conversation will be twi6ted round in this way; I cannot tell you. But such conversations invariably do end up so. Whatever your wife says about money, agree with her. Periodically use your initiative and run down some other wife's financial methods. You may not mean what you say, but what does that matter when weighed in the balance with happiness? Remember the infallible axiom your own wife can do nothing wrong where money is concerned; other women can no nothing right. Being a man, and therefore a logical animal, you will find it difficult to accept this, but the sooner you do the sooner will you begin to be a good husband. So far as the giving of money is con cerned, I would repeat that it is a fallacy to imagine that merely by increasing your wife's allowance to the limit of what you can afford you will at the same time increase her happiness. This is not so, because after a month or so she will take the increased allowance for granted, and the old sense of injustice will return. Let us assume that you can afford to give your wife five pounds a week, but that at present yon are only giv-

ing her four. In the lons run you will do no good at all by adding the extra pound, and I earnestly advise you not to do It. Here Is a much better plan. In the first place, just carry on with the allowance as it stands. Then, next pay day, tell her what a wonderfully good housewife you think she is; how impressed you are by the way she is managing. Let her see how much you appreciate her. Gradually lead up to the important point. Tell her that, as expenses are not so high this week as you thought they were going to be, you find you can afford to give her an extra pound, which you are sure will come In very handy. Be careful to add that you wish you could do it every week, but of course it is out of the question.

After your praise she will probably refuse the money (women are like that), hut you must insist. Then carry on doing this approximately once a fortnight. The extra money will then "be" extra; it will never be taken for granted.. If there are any signs that she is expecting the pound, then miss a week. In this way you will make her supremely happy—far more happy than by increasing the allowance —and you will do all this at a net saving of ten shillings a week. As women have absolutely no shred of morality where their husbands' money is concerned, do not expect your wife to return any money of yours that happens to get into her hands.

There is no exception to this rule. It applies to all women, of all types and of all ages. If you leave, by accident, a ten shilling note on the mantelpiece when you rush off to the office in a hurry one morning, she will collect it, and spend it. When you get home at night and ask her if she has seen it she will tell you what has happened, and, when you suggest that she might hand over the note, will express surprise at your meanness. Did not visitors come to stay for the week-end a fortnight ago? And do you expect her to manage on her usual money with extra mouths to feed?

Let the ten shillings go; again I counsel you not to argue. If you point out that she should have mentioned the matter a fortnight ago she will turn the tables on you by asking why you didn't offer her more. It was your place to do so, not wait until she had to ask, for you know, or should do, how she hates asking. Or, in similar circumstances, she will refuse to return the note that has come into her possession on the grounds that a few months ago she paid for the repairs to your shoes when the shoemaker brought them back. Now it is possible that, being gifted with a good memory, you may recall that you gave her the money for the shoes at the time. Without a blush she will remind you that a few days before the shoe incident she bought herself a new hat, and didn't ask you for a penny towards it, paying the whole fifteen shillings out of money she had screwed and scraped to save. However, if you like to be mean and work out everything down to the last farthing, she doesn't mind. Give her another five shillings, and that, with the ten she already holds, will pay for the hat. She will take your word for it that you paid for the shoes, which means that after paying the five shillings you won't owe her anything. Suppose your memory does you an evil turn again, and you remember that she bought the hat out of one of the extra pounds you gave her? She will immediately retort that that extra money was to buy little luxuries with; she didn't know afce was expected to clothe herself out of an odd pound now and again. But why go any deeper into the business? You'll only land yourself in a worse plight. Don't argue. It is safer, and infinitely cheaper. While on this matter of the financial morality of wives I would tell once again a story I have told before because it sums up the whole curious business so perfectly. The story concerns a wife who never had any money left at the end of the week, which annoyed her husband. Her explanation was that by screwing and scraping (a favorite expression among wives, by the way) and supremely efficient planning she was just able to make her allowance last out

The husband, not being wise in the ways of women, made a suggestion. If he gave her an extra five shillings, would it mean that she would have to do a little less screwing and scraping? She replied that it would make all the difference in the world.

"Then if I give you ten shillings more, would you be able to save five?"

She asserted that it would be the easiest thing in the world to save five. So he opened a Savings Bank account for her with five shillings, and thereafter kept to his bargain. At the end of the month he happened, to see the bankbook. He opened it, and discovered that the only entry in it was the first, recording the five shillings deposit with which he had opened the account for her. He mentioned the matter, trying to be as tactful as he could. Within five minutes she was in tears, and he was imploring her to forgive him for having been such an unspeakable sneak as to look at her bank book. Now that wife was not being dishonest. She explained to her husband later that since he had given her the extra money the expenses of the house had automatically gone up. And she really believed they had. An accusation that her expenditure had merely adjusted itself to her income would have hurt her badly. Normally it takes years for a husband to become resigned to the extraordinary money-ideas of his wife. He judges her by his own standards, and cannot understand when she complies with her own. Until he accepts the difference things are apt to be difficult, and if I succeed in accelerating the process in only a few cases I shall

consider that this article has served its purpose. There are a few other points. Some men think their wives should keep accounts. The wise husband may have the same thought, but he doesn't express it. The suggestion that she should keep accounts means to your wife either that you have suddenly become miserably tight-fisted, or else that you are trying to catch her. . Anyuow, she'll fight it tooth and nail. I know that it is good and sensible to keep accounts. But suppose you try to convince your wife of this; what argument can you use to support your statements? There is only one —that by book-keeping she will be able to manage more efficiently. And if you advance that you will be in grave trouble, for you should know that a lot of silly books wouldn't help her to manage a bit better than she does now, and if you aren't satisfied with her, why don't you say so openly and straight out, instead of hinting in this roundabout way? I know it all sounds extremely depressing, but once you get the main ideas, matrimonial finance becomes the simplest thing in the world. Just give your wife a little extra money now and again, and never talk about it.

Even a casual remark that the bank rate has fallen is more than likely to"lead to a heated scene because your wife imagines that you are going to make that the excuse for asking her to be more careful.