NOTHING SERIOUS.

Cromwell Argus, Volume LI, Issue 2686, 23 August 1920, Page 7

NOTHING SERIOUS.

True love makes the heart light—and the sitting-room dark.

Kind Lady : "What do you work at my poor man ?" Tramp : "Only at intervals, lady."

Miss Lounge : "I wonder what is the real cause of so much divorce ?" Miss Quick : "Marriage, I expect."

Master : "Who was it who fiddled while Rome burned ?" Boy : "Hector, sir ?" Master : "No, not Hector. Try again." . Boy : "Then Carlo, sir !" Master : "Carlo ! What do you mean ?" Boy : "Well, then, if it wasn't Hector or Carlo, it must have been Nero. I knew it was somebody with a dog's name, anyway !" GOOD FOR BUSINESS. The young doctor sat wearily down in his easy-chair, and asked his wife affectionately : "And has my darling been lonely ?' "Oh, no !" she said animatedly—"at least, not very. I've found something to busy myself with." "Indeed !" he said. "What is it?" "Oh, I'm organising a class ! A lot of girls and young married women are in it, and .we're teaching each other how to cook."

"What, do you do with the things you cook ?" "We send them to the neighbours."

"Dear little woman," 'he said, kissing her fondly, "always thoughtful of your husband's practice."

HIGH FINANCE

Sunday morning, and all nature was at peace—until the motor-bus tore along the road, scattering dust and evil smells around. The conductor was day-dreaming. He must have been, or he would have seen the small boy who suddenly dashed out of a cottage garden and, ran after the bus, shouting frantically.

' "Stop ! stop !" ordered the usual officious gentleman, as he prodded the conductor with his umbrella. The conductor stopped the bus. "What d'ye want, kid ?" he asked, crossly, as the panting lad reached the step. "Urry up and get in !" "Don't want to get in," retorted the youngster, as he held out a penny. "Muvver wants two 'apennies for this ; she's goin' to church !" DUTY MUST BE DONE. He was a collector for an install-ment-system establishment, new at the business, and very sensative about performing his unpleasant task. He was particularly embarrassed, because the lady upon whom he had called was so exceedingly polite and beautiful. Still, the vaD was at the door, the lady was in arrears in her payments, and he remembered his duty.

! "Good morning !" said the lady. "It is a beautiful day, is it not ?" I "Beautiful, indeed !" he agreed. "Won't you take a chair ?" she I said. "Er—no, thank you, not this morning," he stammered. "I think I'll i take the piano." THE HAT TRICK. Flushed and breathless, the bloom of sport upon his cheek, the panting, bald-pated, twenty-stoner picked up the bowler he had been chasing down the street, and then leant up against a lamp-post to gain breath. It had been a desperate chase, but, j thank goodness, he had his hat at I last ! Phew ! Another, also breathing heavily, ' came pounding up, and snatched the headgear out of his hand. "Much obliged !" gasped the newcomer. "For what ?" | "This is my hat." "Your hat?" gasped the twenty- : stoner. "Then where is mine ?" | "Behind you," replied the other, i "at the end of a string." j And then, for the first time, the twenty-stoner remembered the hat-' i guard his winsome wife had made ; him wear. i " ' i Banks : "He says the world owes j him a living." Shanks : "That may be all right, | but what I object to is the way he tries to collect it from his friends." The Optimist (assisting man who j slipped on a banana peel): "Swear- ; ing will not help matters, my friend. Why, no matter what happens, I always smile !" The Victim (grimly): "Well, it's lucky for you I didn't notice you." "How marriage changes a man." j "Doesn't it. Take my husband—he I used to offer me a penny for my i thoughts, and now he often offers I me half a crown to shut up." HER EFFORTS WASTED. A lady had a cook who gave her | every satisfaction, and she was unI der the impression that the cook ' was equally satisfied with her place. But one morning, to the lady's intense surprise, the cook gave her the | usual month's notice. "Whatever do you want to leave | for, Jane ?" asked her mistress. "I j am very pleased with you. and I thought you were quite comfortable." I The cook hesitated and fidgeted about. ' "Well, mum," she blurted out, 'the fact is, the master doesn't seem to 'predate my cookery, and I can't I stop in a place where my efforts to please are wasted ; so I'd rather go, mum." "But what makes you think that your master doesn't appreciate your j I cookery ? Has he ever complained to j • you ?" asked the lady. "No, mum ; but rny hist master was always bein' laid up through j over-eating—he said he couldn't help : doing so, because my cookery was so j j delicious ; but master here hasn't been laid up once all the three j months I've been with you, and that's just. what, bothers me so, 1 mum !" 2229. '