Page 7 Advertisements Column 4

Cromwell Argus, Volume XXVII, Issue 1372, 13 August 1895, Page 7

A Victory. OW did you happ n to marry him"? * » Were yon in love with him ? " " Oh, no ; but another girl was." She Can't Calculate. "Women have no head for figures/' "That's so. My wife insists that she is only two years older now than she was in 1883." Small Chance. Willis : "That young man who plays the comet is sick." 'Wallace:" Do you think he will recover•? " " I'm afraid not. The doctor who is attending him lives next door." His Decadence. River? Tde : " Rondo tells me he sold six poems to tbe magazines last weel<." ,)«ck Leer: "Poor fellow! aud he used to write such good poetry, too ! " Corrected. "Was Rome founded by Romeo?" inquired a pupil of the teacher. " No. my son," replied the wise man ; " it was Juliet who was fouud. dead by R uneo."— Drake's Magazine. No Necessity to Work. Pullen : " I worked hard trying to gf j t a Government clerkship, but I'm goi>g to take a good re*t now." Pusch : " You've given up tryiog have you ? " Pullen : " Oh, no; I secured the place." THE brightest metal is made pure by the severest test. that this world is full of troubles ; for, if we so much court her now she is foul, whit should we do if she were beautiful.— Gapel. All men will be Peters in their brairoiug tongue, atld most men will be Peters in their base denial; but few men will be Peters in their quick repentance. When wen.ro most filled with heavenly love, and only then, are wo best fitted to bear with human infirmity; to live above it and forgot its burden.—rMaria Hare. As the sun-dial cannot make known the hour when the sun does not shine upon it, so conscience is not a plain or sa f e guide to duty unless it is enlightened by God's Word.—Edwards. Our character is built up by a succession of small acts of choice, nod by one supreme act; God gives it out, so to speak, over our life, always giving us the opportunity to begin over again.— Pillans. , We shall never acquire any great capacity for joy, the blessed peace of God will never possess our mind and heart, so long as we shrink from self-denial. — D. March. make a practice of-grubbing up tli. rnbushes and planting!fruit-trees in their stead, the whole world, the ric>i and the poor, would soon have plenty of fruit. Give me opportunity, more and greater opportunities, says the oblivious man; and his horizon is full of opportunities; they are lying at his feet, all round him, but the dreamer can nevsr see them until they are past. At the house of the ordinary man and woman the number of friends increases with the increase of fortune; at the house of scholars one only knows by the number of enemies the esteem one should bestow on them. — Pope. smooth course of his thought to depend oh anything external, whether on the greenness of the field or the gaiety of the street or the constancy of friends, so comes he nearer to the chance of shipwreck. -~-John MorleVi SHE: " She is a poem." The Poet: " Why ? Does no We want her ? " When a barber talks too much, his storie3 are generally illustrated with cuts. Johnny Bellows: " Papa, buy me a dog, wont you ? " Papa .- " Perhaps." Johnny Bellows:" Do, please, papa. I've got acan and string." said Bobbie. "Why do you think so?" asked Will on. "Because he has bandy i legs," said Bobbie. j "How much more have we to do?" i asked one clerk of another. '' About three I minutes'work." "How long will it take yon ? " " About half an hour." De Young : " What would you call it, pr.iud beauty, if your cruelty drove me to kill myself in your presence ? " Proud Beauty : " Infanticide."-— Detroit Tribune. Mr. Bilkins : "What a sad face that woman has?" Mrs. Bilkins; "Yes, poor thing. She has either loved and lost, or loved and got him." — New York Weekly. Jagson says that; "never trust a man till you know him" is good advice, but you never know some men till you trust them. Scrimp: " I thought you said I might bring these clothes back if they didn't suit." Cohen: " Yaw; but 1 didn't say you might leave dem." time at Christmas ? " " A good time ? Well, I should think I did. Ma had to sit up with me for the next three nights."— Boston Courier. . -r=- "So she favours his suit ? " *' Well, J can hardly say it is his Biiit; but she i 3 certainly in love with his overcoat: it is trimmed with real beaver."—2Vew> York Press. Little Boy: " Don't Quakers ever fight ? " Mamma: " No, my dear." Little Boy (after reflection):■ "I should think it would be awful hard for a real big Quaker to be a Quaker."— Gob'd Neivs. Mrs. Gumley (reading) : " A European scientist has been listening to the voice of a fly through a microphone. He says it sounds very much like the neighing of a horse." Mr. Gumley: "Ptrhaps it was a horse-fly."— Ripples. A certain thin man sent a shilling in postage-stamps to an advertiser, who promised for that sum to impart trustworthy information how to get fat, and received the message on a post card—- " Buy it at the butcher's ! " Little Brother: "Mr. Johnson,won't you go and stand before the window?" Mr. Johnson: "Certainly, my little man ; but why?" Little Brother: "Oh, ma says she can see through you, and I want to see if I can." — The Jewish Messenger. A man had a donkey for sale, and heariu" - that a friend wanted to buy one, he sent him the following, written on a postcard : " Dear D : If jou are looking for an Al donkey, don't forget me. Yours, &c, F." There was a company in the schoolroom that morning when the beginning class in geography was called. To the question, " What is a cape ? " every hand went up. "Nanny may tell," said th* teacher: " A capo is a point of laud objecting to the water." that .hare-brained son of'his again," paid the woman who lives next door. "Ye ," replied the husband ; " it's strange how much easier it is in that family to keep up the supply of feud and fool than it is of food and fuel." — Washington Star. He: "I love you, dearest, and I never shall love you one whit less. It shall be my purpose as long as I live to make you happy and conteuted." She: " Yes, yes; I've been married before. Let us come down to something practi al. How much are you going to allow me per week for spending mon y ? " — Boston Transcript. "How treacherous the acorn is!" "Yeß.it is full of iiva.il"-Glans Falls Reporter* .-.-'_