MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Cromwell Argus, Volume XXI, Issue 1032, 29 January 1889, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Definition of a Jury.—A body of men organised to find out which side has the smartest lawyer. . . " Witness did you ever see the prisoner at tfto bar ? " Oh, yes ; that's where I got acquainted with him !" , , . Grace, whispering: "What lovely boots your partner's • got, Mary." Mary, ditto: "Yes; unfortunately he shiues at the wrong end." A Melbourne cable states that in _consequence of the eagerness of British manufacturers to show their goods at the Dunedlil Exhibition, Mr Twopeny has determined to admit them at the rate of 2s 6d per foot of P CorraHS, Colds, etc.—Sufferers from Chest and Throat Complaints will find Baxter's Lung Preserver a patent remedy speedy and effectual. To be obtained of Henry Hotop, Cromwell, and all Patent Medicine Vendors. The people of Paris are great snail eaters. Over 90,000 pounds are disposed of daily in the markets. And why not ? The snail is a clean feeder. We who hold up our hands in pioua horror at the very idea of eating snails consume with gusto, food of a far more suspicious character. Even the frog, which the Frenchman revels in, has nothing against its reputation. • \ ■ " Yes, father," he said to old Mr Hayseed, " I've graduated, and my education is complete. I s'pose I know about everything. Now I must choose a field where my abilities can be used to the best advantage. I want a large field, where I will have plenty of room." "Son," replied the old man, "there is the ten-acre cornfield, and you kin have it all to yourself." Christmas Exhibition ! The largest assortment of Fancy Goods, Christmas Cards, Books and Toys of all description to be seen in W. Talboys' Shilling window. Goods usually sold from one shilling to three shillings, are all now being sold at one shilling. All the good" in the window, from a zinc bucket to a lady's brooch and earring. All other Goods very cheap. Men's Suits from 17s 6d. Largest and cheapest stock in the country, at W. Talboys', London House, Cromwell. — [Advt.] Sander and Sons' Eucalypti. Certainly the best medicine known is Sander and SoNfl' Eucalypti Extract. Test its eminently powerful effects in coughs, colds, influenza; the relief is instantaneous jn serious cases, and accidents of all kinds, be they wounds, burns, scaldings, bruises, sprains, it is the safest remedy—no swelling—no inflammation. Like surprising effects produced in croup, diphtheria, bronchitis, inflammation of the lungs, swellings, etc. ; diarrhraa, dysentery, diseases of the kidneys and urinary organs. In use at hospitals and medical clinics rfl over the globe ; patronised by His Majesty the King of Italy ; crowned with medal and diploma at International Exhibition, Amsterdam. Trust in this approved article, and reject aU others. The new governess (through her pretty nose): " Waal, I come right slick away from Ne'York city, an' I ain't had much time for foolin' round in Europe—you bet? So I can't fix up your gals in the Eu-ropean languages, no-how!" Belgraviah mamma (who knows there's a duke or two still left in the matrimonial market) : "Oh, that's of no consequence. I want my daughters to acquire the American accent in all its purity—and the idioms, and all that. Now I'm sure you will do admirably !"— Punch. " If I slip down on a defective grating in the street pavement and sustain severe damages, can I get redress ?" he asked of a lawyer. "You can." "Whom shall I sue ?" "The owner or occupier of the premises. You can hold him responsible." " I was laid up seven weeks, and I think I ought to have £20." " I think we can get double that. Do you know the owner of the property ?" " I can find out very easily. It's No. . 80, Blank-street." " What ! Why, that's my residence ! Better drop the case at once, sir. I forgot to say that the law is so defective that you can't get a verdict once in twenty times." .No wonder J. Solomon sells so ranch: cheaper than others, he has no horses tc feedv and no assistants to pay in working his business,. Terms to cash customers of Drapery, Clothings and Fancy Goods—Five Shillings in the* Pound Discount. The same discount will be allowedon any amount from 2s 6d upwards. New stock of Dress Materials, Gents'and Youths' Clothing, Ladies'and Children's Boots and Shoes, direct from the manufacturers. Make no mistake about the terms. Purchasers of Drapery and Clothing to the amount of £1 only pay 15s Cash. This surely must be plain enough for all to understand. Ladies purchasing Dress materials cau have them made up on the premises in the Latest Style at reduced price, perfect Fit Guaranteed.—[Advt.] Hottoway's Fills. —Epidemic Diseases.—The alarming increase; of English cholera and diarrhoea should be a warning to every one to subdue at once any irregularity tending toward disease. Holloway's Pills should now be in every household to rectify all impure states of the blood, to remedy weakness, and to overcome impaired geuei'al health. Nothing can be simpler than the instructions for taking this corrective medicine, nothing more efficient than its cleansing - powers, nothing more harmless than its vegetable ingredients. Holloway's is the best physic during the summer season, when decaying fruits and unwholesome vegetables are frequently deranging the bowels, and daily exposing thousands, through their negligence in permitting disordered action, to the dangers of diarrhoea, dysentery, and cholera. " The latest fad is bleaching moustaches," said a barber. " Barbers don't do it. Men buy the bleach, and apply it at home. It is done mostly by young men. You can see lots of young men to-day with dark brown'hair who have lovely blonde moustaches. The bleach makes the moustache streaked in lines of gold and light brown. The girls like the blonde moustaches. Black moustaches, even- of the Simon Pure sort, have lost favor. Men with fiery red moustaches use bleach nowadays. Not all men with red moustaches, but a great many. You won't see near so many red moustaches now as you could have seen a year ago. You'll see a man with a head of red hair, while his moustache will be a lovely tint of old gold. The bleach is just as injurious as the black hair dye. A good many men with red beards use the bleach too. A blonde beard is very fashionable nowadays. The ordinary everyday obserser isn't likely to detect a bogus blonde beard or moustache, but a barber who knows his business can tell them everytime.— Philadelphia, Times.

A boiler for the instantaneous generation of steam is the newest thin? hi America. The apparatus consists of a thick wrought-iron tuba of any convenient diameter, which is flattened at a temperature below the welding poiut till its internal walls are always in coutact, a section of the tube showing only a straight line the thicknebs of a hair. The tube is then coiled into any convenient shape, and is exposed to the direct heat of the furnace. Cold water being forced in at one end by a pump issues out as steam, the pressure and dryness of which. ; depend on the temperature of the tube. It is. I claimed that no furring or scaling up of the tube takes place, as the high velocity with which the steam passes through, breaks up and carries along with it any deposit afc the very instant of its formation. The largest boiler yet constructed on this pian has been a 10-horse power one, and it has proved so satisfactory that the system is about to be extended. The Government have experts at work examining the system, expecting to adopt it for use in the construction of torpedo boats. Rev. Timothy Connell, in the St. Louis Globe Democrat, tells the following of an awkward groomsman : " The invited groomsman failed to appear, and a neighbor was asked to assist as the couple were anxious to go by a certain train. The emergency groomsman was verdant and grew so embarrassed that he completely upset the nerves of the bridesmaid.. She had two tasks on her mind—one to arrange her bustle, the other to fasten a bouquet to the groomsman's label. She got these mixed iu her mind, and pinned the bouquet first on her bustle, and then tore it impatiently off and pinned it to his coat-tail. A lunch had been provided on a tray close at hand, and when the clergyman asked for the ring, the assistant promptly handed him a biscuit. Seeing his mistake, for want of a better, he awkardly pub a muffin in the groom's pocket, took the ring and handed it to the bride, at the same time pouring a glass of wine from the bottle at hand dntoa dusty piece of lovely Sevres china. Perspiration stood out "in great beads on his forehead, and as soon as the ceremony was .performed he-looked at the envelope in his hand containing the fee, broke the seal, saw the money and thinking either th"t he had earned it. or- that it was intended for him, put it in his pocket,.handed' the clergyman the empty envelope and fled, It is, perhaps, needless to es-cld that the qouple missed tlv< train,"