FUN AND FANCY.

Clutha Leader, Volume XL, Issue 71, 13 March 1914, Page 7

FUN AND FANCY.

SOME POPULAR LIES

"I'm crazy about j-ou." ''l'll drop in and pay you back next week." 'T shall never love another." "Wasn't it too bad you weren't homer 1 " . "I never in my life did so badly." "How sweet you look." "1 told her just what I thought ol her." "T shall pay my incime tax without a murmur.'' . "Yes, sir, an operation is necessary." "1 never would dream that it wasn't your hair." "1 love to hold babies." "Only a 6tirring sense of public duty compels me to run tor this high otfice." "Not at home, ma'am." "No, darling, I never kissed another." "My wife and I never have a cross word." "1 came quite unprepared." He Knew His Business.

A brisk individual with the accumulated look of 20 winters of married life entered a hardware shop,, and without waiting for preliminaries asked: "Do you keep hammers here?" "That is our specialty, sir." "Put mc down for a dozen. How about screw-drivers?" "Our great feature. Patent reversible or piain edge?"

"Give me a dozen of each; if you have any other varieties I'll take em, too. How about gimlets?" "You are mentioning our pet product. All styles." "Give me .all styles—long, short, medium, thick, thin, from the size of a needle to a pickaxe. Saws?" "Of every description."

"I'll take 'em—say half a dozen or so —cross-cut, plain, round and square."

"It's down. sir. Can I interest you 111 nails?" "You can indeed. I'll take some of all that you have, put up in separate packagesc; also tacks, brads, screws, rivets, staples—everything. And I want hooks, every hook you have, big and little. Also—" The clerk leaned forward.

"Pardon me, sir," he said. "You seem like a sensible person. Unless you are opening up a business I am at a loss to understand your requirements." "It is perfectly simple, sir," said the brisk person. "I-have been married for 21 years, and not once since the ceremony have I been able to" locate a single implement when I want to put up a calendar or do any other necessary thing about the house-, and the next time there is need of anything done, I am go.ng, as far as human foresight can provide for it, to have the meaninstantly to put my impulse into play."

His Reason for Delay. That things are often a whole lot worse than they appear at first sight was demonstrated by a story told by Senator Henry Lippitt of Rhode Island at a recent banquet. Some time since, according to the Senator, a man wearing an exceedingly thoughtful expression entered the ofdca of a lawyer. "Mr Smith," said he, addressing the legal light, "can I bring suit against a man for calling me a rhinoceros?" "You certainly can," was the prompt reply of the lawyer. "When did he call you a rhinoceros?" "Let me see,", reflected the client. "It was thres years ago last August," "Three years ago!" exclaimed the astonished lawyer. "And you arc just thinking of bringing suit?" "Yes, sir," answered the client. "You see, it is this way: I never saw a rhinoceros until yesterday."