ITEMS.

Clutha Leader, Volume XX, Issue 1033, 11 May 1894, Page 3

ITEMS.

.0. . Mr Day Wed — ' I aoi afraid love you will findj me rather exacting at times, and I am afraid, too, that I am a little inclined to find fault without cause.' Mrs Day Wed — ( Oh, don't worry, dear ! I'll see that you always have cause;.' He — ' Of course my prospects are not the brightest. We shall have a great d»al to . contend against.' She — ' Dearest, we shall have each other !' The Proud Chicken. — { No,' said one chicken to another, ' we don't speak to her. She wasn't hatched from the same lot of of eggs that we were.' ' Oh, I see ; she's from a different set.' Mrs Newed — • I want to confess something to you, dearest. I deceived you about my age ; it is more than I told you.' Mr Newed — ' Then I may as well reciprocate, darling. I deceived you about my income ; it is less than I told you.' j The minister's wife was labouring with a delinquent member of the village industrial school. 'Eliza Jane,' she said, ' I am sorry to hear from your teacher that you are not diligent at your needlework. Don't yon know who it is that finds work for idle hands to do V e Yes'm,' answered Elisa Jane, anxious to propitiate — 'yes'm — you do.' The young married man — { What would you do, my dear, if I were one of those men who are in a bad humour when they get up in the morning, and use bad language because the breakfast is cold V Young wife — ' I should make it hot for you.' Lord Palmerston was once at a prize fight when a policeman appeared on the seen?.. His Lordsh'ip was then Prime Minister. The policeman demanded his name, and got the reply, ' Palmerston.' Bobby gave a grin, and said, 'Come along, old cove, you won't palm that off upon me.' Victoria is, says the Argus, losing large numbers of its tobacco smokers and alcohol consumers owing to the attractions offered by Coolgardie. This may please the Women's Christian Temperance Union and kindred organisations, but it is deeply deplored by the Customs department. The man who smokes and drinks is the best friend of the Treasurer, and may always rely on a warm shake of the hand from the Minister of Customs, in his public capacity, of course. Dr Wollaston, the Secretary of Trade and Customs, has written for the Minister's perusal a short but plaintive report on the loss of so many of the department's best constituents. He points out that according to the rate at which emigration has been increasing over immigration no fewer than 20,000 people will be lost to. the country during the current year, and that as these will principally comprise the, users of dutiable articles such as tobacco, spirits and beer, the loss in revenue will be considerable. Last year the population was estimated 'at 1.174,000, and the net revenue collected through "theCustoms was L1,947,000, or LI, 13s 2d per head,