Miscellaneous.

Clutha Leader, Volume XX, Issue 1030, 20 April 1894, Page 3

Miscellaneous.

A country laird had occasion to remain in an Aberdeen hotel overnight. In the morning, after breakfast, he set out to purchase some cattle. On arriving at the market he discovered that his pocke^book was missing. Feeling sure that he had it in his hotel on the previous evening, he at once returned, resolving to have the whole staff by the ears, and at the door he met the landlord. ' Did you see onything o' a pocketbook, landlord V he hurriedly inquirod, ' which I must hae dropped somewhere in your hotel last nichtT , 'How much was in it 1 ?' 'A hundred and ninety pounds.' 'Then, sir, this is your pocketbook, \vi' the money. The servant found it in the hall late last night, and I locked it up in the safo until inquiries should be made this morning.' { A verra wise and cations thing for you to dae, landlord, verra wise and cautious. I had intended to place one hundred pounds o't in the bank this mornin', where it would hae been drawing three per cent.' ' I think, laird, the servant should g«t some acknowledgment for her honesty.' 'As a reward for the honesty of a' parties I'll say naething about the interest for the time it has been looked up in your safe, and ye can inak' it a' richt wi' the servant. There's naething sma' about me whan I see a man that's trying to dae what's richt. Miss A. C. Graham has taken a prize offered by the University Correspondent for the best collection of pupils' blunders. She vonches for them all as literal copies of the originals, and explains that she was led to set about their collection by reading one day the surprising statement that ' Iloied and Odessae translated Euripides.' The Youth's Companion gives a few of the choicest gems of her collection : — Esau was a man who wrote fables and who sold the copywright to a publisher for a bottle of potash. — The Jews believed in the Synagogue and had their Sunday on Saturday, but the Samaritans behaved in the Church of England and worshipped in groves of oak ; therefore the Jews had no dealings with the Samaritans. — Titus was a Roman Emperor — supposed to have written the Epistle to the Hebrews — his other name was Oates. — Oliver Cromwell was a man who was put in prison for his interference in Ireland. When he was in prison he wrote ' The Pilgrim's Progress' and married a lady called Mrs O'Shea. — Perkin Warbeck raised a rebellion in the reign of Henry VIII. He said he was the son of a prince, but lie was the son of respectable people. — The heart is a comical shaped bag. The heart is divided into several parts by a fleshy petition. These parts are called right artillery, left artillery, and so forth. The function of tho heart is between the lungs. The work of the heart is to repair the different organs in about half a minute. A retired officer of the army came recently before the Magistrate at Westminister to complain that his life was rendered a burden to him by the music from ' next door.' Next Door played and sang from morning till night, 'and did both wretchedly. When Next Door went out of town the cook and housemaid took their turn at the instrument, and, in short, life was unbearable. The very dog of the family was a musical nuisance in his way. . He ran up and down the party wall barking at nothing ih particular. The Magistrate sent an officer of the court to try a game of bluff with the cook and the housemaid, but he could promise no further relief. It must be obvious to close observers of the men and manners of to-day that j it is not the maiden of bashful ' fifteen ' nor the girl of sweet one and twenty who finds favour in the sight either of the gilded j-outh or the man of the j world. The threshold of womanhood no longer invites them, sweet seventeen I is out of date, immaturity is hot attrac-' tive. It is nowadays only the woman who has . ' arrived ' who can fascinate the weary, mystic youth of the period ; it is only the experienced matron who, j understanding the faults and follies of men, can render herself a sufficiently reasonable companion to him when he comes to years of discretion. The ' bread-and-butter ' miss, the comparatively inexperienced maiden, nay, even the very young matron, are hopelessly ' out of it ' at the present. It is the hour of maturity, and the woman has triumphed over the girl. She may now be anything over thirty to hold sway, provided always that she keeps herself thrifty in heart and face. She must look attractive, she must have the power to attract. She must possess tact and judgment, and then she can snap her fingers at Time, and boldly set down what she likes on the census paper. The art of lithographing was perfected through a suggestion made by accident. A poor musican was anxious to know whether music could not be etched upon stone as well as upon copper. After he had prepared his slab his mother asked him "to make memorandum of such dothes as she proposed to send away to be washed. Not having pen, ink and paper convenient he wrote the list on the stone with the etching preparation, intending to make a copy at leisure. A few days later when about to clean the stone he wondered what effect aqua fortis would have upon it. He applied the acid and in a few Iminutes saw tfce writing in relief,