THE SELFISHNESS OF BAD MANNERS.

Clutha Leader, Volume XVII, Issue 834, 11 July 1890, Page 7

THE SELFISHNESS OF BAD MANNERS.

The old-fashioned division of society was into superiors, equals, and inferiors. One of the rarest things in American society is genuine courtesy towards superiors. Toadyism there is plenty of, and it is a disgusting habit. The more common and less conspicuous mistake is withholding, through selfishness, the deference due to superiority. Let a person of a little more culture, a little better position, larger experience, Vie thrown among us and we too often assume a cold dignity. The glorious doctrine of equality of all men we quote in self-defence. Unselfishness would alter this manner and tell us to do the honest thing — and the only polite thing — give its worth its due, and ourselves the opportunity of gathering what we can from his broader life. This principle is constantly ignored in our villages and towns. The sharp lines which are drawn between cliques is really often, if not as a rule, the fault of those who feel their social position to be less than that of another set and who assume a frigid formality when thrown into their company. The manner which shows deference combined with self-respecting independence is one of the most charming good society sees. The great strain on this principle undoubtedly comes from association with equals. A man is polite to his daily associates in proportion as he lays aside his own claim for consideration and substitutes theirs. But it must be spontaneous, natural, unpretending unselfishness. . An affectation of unselfishness — giving up a thing in so pronounced a manner that everybody will see that a sacrifice has been made — it is never good form. It calls attention to the doer. It suggests to all who see it that they have, missed an opportunity to do a polite thing. It is in better taste to omit doing an unselfish thing which one sees the opportunity for, if it is going to make people feel that they have been rude or careless. Good manners are like dress, that is in best taste, whose harmony is so complete that nobody thinks of it. Respect for opinioiis, tolerance with eccentricities, kindliness towards the un interesting, willingness to give up comforts, readiness to join in suggestions for social entertainment, ignoring unpleasantness, the daily practice of social nicities, sharing pleasures, generosity in admiring, these are but a few of the lines on which un3elfishnes works in daily life.