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Clutha Leader, Volume V, Issue 220, 27 September 1878, Page 7

Why is a Laplander like a native of Athens ? — Because he is fond of grease (Greece). ■ No, ma'am/ said a grocer to an applicant for credit, ' I wouldn't even trust my own feelings.' Old Mills, the optician at Milwaukie, sold a sun-dial to Pitman a short time ago, with the assurance that it was a first-rate timekeeper. About a fortnight afterwards Pitman called at -the shop and said, * Say, Mills, that sun-dial ain't worth a cent; it's no good as a timepiece anyway. ' ' Did you ever time it by your watch?' * Certainly I did. I've stood close to it often exactly at the even hour, and the blessed thing hag never struck the time once.' 'Impossible ! Why, you did not expect- it to strike the hours, did you ? It' don't strike, of course; it has no works inside.' . ' That's what puzzles me,' said Pitman. ' If it ain't got no insides, how's it going to go ? ' 'Mr Pitman, whereha'veyou placed that sun-dial— in the garden?' 'Garden! My gracious, no! 'What do I want with a timppiecein the garden? It's hung in the settin'-robm agin, the wall.' Innumerable are the tales of actors in difficulties. A very quaint one is 'related of Christian Brandes, ; the dramatist, who in his youth' belonged tb a strolling company which played pieces of an • extremely primitive kind. On one' occasion the play was 'entitled ' Hero and Leander,' tlie dialogue being left pretty much to the discretion of the players. It had been agreed, however, that Hero was to be coy,, and, not fess her love fer Leander till' he had again and again expressed his readiness to be hanged, burned, and drowned on her behalf. But the lady was softhearted, and*' perhaps soft-headed, besides being exceedingly fond of Brandes; nor could she listen unmoved to the first passionate* pieadmgtjV of the youth who explained that he had' swum across the Hellespont to, see | ,hen,' 4 My dear Leander,' she exclaimed^ 'lf cannot 'resist yoiiy y Accept jay" hand", and V my heart:' Leaiider- Akpewjnp^ to say; all bis prepareck-pbra'sesa were useless: - The manager "*■* came I'*t1 '* to '* his aid ; with ; a loud;; whisper *addrflss_e^ r to. Hero, 'In- the fienti'syname^ im'p'rops vise a few wordß^alid^^eti?e-J•t• , '-''^•Th'e\''• v jki' poor girl, turning to. the;,^aumence^re^;.^^; peated her lesson, '' In the fiehli'sSaMe.!^^^ I y improyise^ a ? few^' words v^n^r*e]tir*B|^p|| 6ff^b¥^ti-^ relieved. The audience VshohtediSvitli^feV^ koslitjJAjiJjy ' : '^V X^^^??SftiP '. " : - _„/'-.«* f f ' "a^slv>.;V_; '.'-." y^.'J 1 a .J^iA^^&W&