Funnigisms.

Clutha Leader, Volume I, Issue 12, 24 September 1874, Page 3

Funnigisms.

HOW THEY DID IT. They were sitting side by side, And she sighed, and then he sighed. Said he,' "My darling idol 1" : And he idled, and then she idled. •'You are creation's 06116," And she bellow'd, and he bellow'd, ', On my soul there's such a weight," And he waited, and then she waited. 11 Your hand I ask, so bold I'm grown,** And she groan/d, and then he groan'd. "You shall, have a private gig," And she giggled, and then he giggled. Said she, " My dearest Luke,": And he looked, and then she looked. * I'll have thee if thou wilt," Aud he wilted, and then she wilted.

The man who would try to stab a ghost would stick at nothing. A backward spring is produced by presenting a red-hot poker to a man's nose.

" I tell you, love, I have got the plan all in my head."— Ah, then it is all in a nutshell."

A Medical writer says " the healthießt position to lay in is with the head to the north." People who own hens should bear this fact in mind.

There is a farmer in Yorkshire who has a mile of children. His name is Furlong; and he has four boys' and four .girls. Eight furlongs one mile. An ambitious young lady was" talking very loudly about her favorite authors, when a literary chap asked her if she., liked Lamb. With, a look of ineffable disgust, she answered that she qared very little about what she ate compared with knowledge.' The London correspondent of the ' Dundee Advertiser' writes : — " ♦Town* is laughing very heartily over Dean Stanley's text when he preached on Friday to the Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh.- It was : " Father, forgive them,: for they know not what they do." There was a certain clergyman, more eminent in his day for the brilliancy of his imagination than for the force of his logic, who was once preaching on the "Ministry of Angels," and in the peroration, he suddenly observed, "I hear a whisper." The change of ton© startled one of the churchwardens, who sat below, from a drowsy mood, and springing to his feet, he cried, "It is the boys in the gallery !" Both Sides- of the Question. — A friendly attempt to prevail on a sonsie lass to wed a very decent but povertystricken man,, was closed with the sentimental argument-—** Meg, ye ken the auld saying, * Marry for love, and work for siller.' " "Abj but friends," replied Meg, -'d'ye no mm' the ither saying, that ' Poortith's ill tQ;dree/ and .a kiss in the morning tae i^a^tinniefti' p* cauld watter maks but a wers^break-

fast?" ■-, ■■-.'« y^-f^m ■ An Ugly Excuse.— -A. juroifg name was called by the clerk* , The i'man Advanced to the judge's desk,;ahd said ; " Judge, I should like to-tbel ekeused." "It is impossible, said the judge decidedly. "Not, judge, if you knew ray reasons;" " Well, sir, what are they ?" " Why the fact is," and the; man paused. . "Well, sir, proceed," '■ continued the judge. "Well, judge, if I must say it, I have the itch." The iudge, who is a sober man, solemnly and impressively exclaimed) ?' Clerk, scratch that man out." - •

A Repentant Husband and a Forgiving Wife.-— Here!« a, tme tele of <; woe-* all about , a beautiful -and abandoned wife in New York city. She married a, wretch who ? lovec} / Bet' money, not wisely, but toe well^," When^ip-got the money, he loved somebody else, 'anA departed for the *' rolling prairies of the ' -mighty ; West.?, His earthly posse*-y'f-sions were burnt up in the Chicago ■ fire, and then he 1 ; came •; baclc^tplNe^ir^ York, and put up f at the, Astbr ;;flpiweJ3 without a oent:,in higipocketi Remorid|| seized him, (it must have been reniprse^cv and ascertainingsjhe- address:; of, hig ') lawful partuer^jhethus^wroteher'T; '*! ; lQ ana here, , ; and* penhiiess^^&rgive. \ the V:^ past, and -jcome^to ;--my^ja^g^-Sjjjpiiit l ? -^ Tln^is^what-she^w}^^ :cor4e^ag^ppnrM;l:-,eaji: ;^&use^d!elfii|^ : i3; I have gone to have a :^<xo^M^pvios. op. the f^^f^^^-j^^^^j^ij^i Remorse seized: hira a^aih^K^n*^|l| him 6^. Finis, : ' -M ]^-M'MM