ReDorter’s diary

Press, 11 May 1989, Page 2

ReDorter’s diary

Frontispeace HANDS up, sharp-eyed readers of "The Press” who spotted the unusual feature about yesterday’s front page. No, it was nothing to do with layout, type, ink, photographs or any headline in particular. Just the extremely rare fact that not one article was about politics or politicians, anywhere. It is even believed to have been a first for this paper. Judging by the way political life is hotting up, probably the last.

Sibling snipery REMEMBER Rodney Bryant was having trouble hitching his alphabet roadway blocks together? (See yesterday’s Reporter’s Diary if not). The tale has an ignominious end. Rodney’s little brother, Stuart, was appalled that big brother had not yet managed to construct his toy properly. At first light yesterday morning Stuart went to

Rodney’s home, tinkered with the blocks and solved his problem. Rodney was relieved, but little brother could not resist a dig. “This is the man who has been elected to the St Albans School board of trustees,” he crowed. “His academic powers as shown in this morning’s paper don’t augur well for the school.” Well, not if they have to spend their meetings playing with plastic blocks, no.

Unhappy returns A word about Eamon Griffin who was fined £5 by a Dublin court for trying to elude a £6.90 taxi fare. Griffin was captured when he hailed the same cab he had just jumped out of without paying.

Ripping tip GEORGE Currie has some timely advice for readers of this paper who have torn out fingernails and

hair in their efforts to remove the ever-so-handy, completely water-and-person-proof cling film that encases “The Press” on a wet morning. Tackle the film with a razor blade or a sharp knife, gently scoring along the length of the paper. “It comes away as neatly as you like,” says Mr Currie.

Knife to know THANKS to the Adelaide “Advertiser” for bringing us a list of medical terminology for the layman. Some are reprinted here: Artery: the study of fine paintings; Dilate: to live longer; Fester: quicker; Minor operation: coal digging; Node: was aware of; Organic: musical; Postoperative: a letter-carrier; Serology: a study of English knighthood; Tablet: a small table; Urine: opposite of you’re out; Outpatient: a person who has fainted; Secretion: hiding anything.

Other terms MORE on the use of gobbledegook. Invercargill police sergeant Lindsay Dow told “The Southland Times” of the time he travelled by bus between San Francisco and Santa Rosa. He met a man who called himself an earth replacement engineer. Questioning revealed that the man was a ditch digger.

Calculating OH spiffing. Some bright spark has figured that you can work out the temperature by counting how many times a cricket chirps in a minute. Subtract 40 from the total, divide by eight, add 20, and . you have the answer in degrees centigrade. It must have been thought up by the same mathematical banana who always passed the time on train journeys by reckoning the numbers of sheep in paddocks. He counted the legs and divided by four. —Jenny Setchell