Scoop: alien ideas turn London tabloid into trash

Press, 6 July 1988, Page 18

Scoop: alien ideas turn London tabloid into trash

By

TIM WALKER,

of the “Observer,” London

FOUR young people met in a pokey office in a North London back street to discuss the issues of the day. They had what could be described as a wide-ranging discussion.

It touched on such questions as how Marilyn Monroe was working as a nanny in Heaven; how an alien from outer space had landed on Earth and died when he ate a cheeseburger; and how Ronald Reagan was being manipulated by the citizens of the lost city of Atlantis. Of course stranger things have been said in bars towards closing time ... but what distinguished these particular musings was that they were uttered in complete sobriety. More than that, they were uttered by the executives of an English national newspaper during a meeting to determine the contents of their forthcoming edition.

The occasion was the main editorial conference for a recent issue of “Sunday Sport” — and, according to the paper’s editor, Mr Drew Robertson, who is 29, the plans they were making that day broke new ground in British tabloid journalism. “We’re no longer interested in the stories other newspapers are interested in,” he explained teasingly.

“We’ve even turned away from the stories about bonking that made us famous. We’re now going for a whole new kind of story ...” And Mr Robertson sat back and proudly surveyed the recent front pages that adorned the walls of his office — front pages, he maintains, that have boosted his circulation to nearly half a million.

The headlines said it all: WOMAN PREGNANT FOR 65 YEARS GIVES BIRTH TO A PENSIONER; WEREWOLF GOBBLES UP BRITISH TOURISTS; SPACE ALIENS TURNED OUR SON INTO AN OLIVE ... The conclusion seemed irresistible: that the two-year-old tabloid had hit upon the breathtakingly brilliant idea of making up its stories. The great thing about a made-up story, of course, is that it’s always an exclusive.

Mr Robertson looked genuinely hurt. “No, no, that’s not fair at all,” he protested. “It may well be that some of our stories aren’t true — but we’re not saying they are. All we are saying is here is this man who is making this claim, or here is this report and this is what it says. It’s not the same thing at all.” His handiwork is mostly regarded with incredulity and despair by journalists on other newspapers. Certainly they have little to thank him for: trying to defend the press and its freedoms while there are newspapers like “Sunday Sport”

around is like trying to defend a man on an indecency charge when he is standing in the dock behind you with his flies undone.

The news editor, Howard Sounes, who is 23, fought to control his giggles as he told colleagues about the French doctor who froze his wife’s body for four years in the hope that somebody might discover a cure for the cancer that killed her. “He has two main worries,” he spluttered. “One is that there might be a power cut and she’ll defrost. The other is that he might get drunk one evening, open up the fridge and mistake her for a giant pork chop.” The only note of discord came when Mr Sounes was forced to admit that, upon reflection, he was “a bit worried” about the story about Mr Reagan and the men from Atlantis. “Why’s that?” inquired the editor. “Because the man who gave it to us doesn’t appear to exist,” he replied. The editor paused and then observed sagely: “A bit dodgy that one, Howard ...”