Reporter’s diary

Press, 23 July 1987, Page 2

Reporter’s diary

Skimming the profits HARD times face us all, but one Christchurch family has discovered a method of deflating inflation. Their teenage son recently announced that the family wasted $2O a year by washing away a tablespoon of milk when they rinsed the milk bottles. By adding four tablespoons of water to the bottle, an extra 50ml of milky fluid could be added to the milk jug and $B2 saved annually, he said. The budding Roger Douglas reached his conclusion after establishing that the family bought 1825 bottles of milk annually. Total cost: $823. A slight hitch has arisen — some family members are also adding four tablespoons to the milk jug. Attempts are now being made to milk the bug out

of the system. Wintering over EVERYONE hates winter but not necessarily for the same reasons. One couple who have moved from the “winterless” north to the wintry south have coped reasonably well with smog, southerlies and general bleakness. They have not coped well with the comments of the locals. Tolerance levels have become somewhat strained by the following observations: “It’s been such a mild winter” (a remark usually made on the fifth overcast Arctic day). “Wait until spring" (an observation made against a background of frostblackened shrubs and sleet). "Don’t you get heavy frosts up north?” (a remark which usually emerges through a blanket of dense smog). The couple suggest that after 130

winters, Canterbury people are either confirmed optimists or notably thick-skinned.

Holy politics! ON July 20, the Leader of the Opposition, Mr Bolger, launched the National Party’s election campaign. Had he waited until July 21, the election razzledazzle could have coincided with the feast day of St Victor of Marseilles. St Victor is the patron saint of cabinetmakers. All is not lost: for anyone awaiting important political revelations, Mr Bolger’s televised rally in Christchurch on Sunday will happen on the feast day of St Germanus, confessor. The Prime Minister, Mr Lange, will open the Labour Party’s campaign in Christchurch on the feast day of 10 saints — the Seven Sleepers, and Sts Pantaleon, Congall,

and Luican — an auspicious day for a Methodist visiting a city founded by Anglicans.

Report card

HE was 14 years old, and somewhat perturbed about the imminent arrival of the latest school report which promised to be less than pleasing to his father. A defence was unearthed from the back of the garage — a collection of his father’s school reports, containing ominous references to “could try harder ...” "disappointing ...” and “seems unwilling to try....” Desperate situations call for desperate measures. The documents are now being

held in reserve just in case they are needed. The boy’s mother is immune from blackmail. She burned her reports long ago. Spell politics IT seems that no-one is immune from election fever. A primary school pupil was being helped with her spelling by her father. Everything went well until an especially difficult word was reached. She tried unsuccessfully for several minutes before gazing with accusing eyes at her father. “It’s not my fault that I can’t spell. The lady on television told me it was the Labour Government’s fault”