Random reminder

Press, 24 July 1986, Page 12

Random reminder

FLIPSIDE As the poet once said, marriage can be a rough game. This is especially so when accusations of snoring are bandied back and forth between the partners; many a firstclass marital row has developed from this humble beginning. There are wonderful possibilities for dragging in relations, near and far, as examples of snorers on “your side of the family.” From there, it’s just a matter of time before cuts and thrusts, both to the jugular and below the belt, are flying thick and fast, and a good time is being had by all. For years he had accused her of snoring. She always denied it with vigour, even when he had on occasion moved into the spare bedroom to get some undisturbed slumber. His moment of triumph and vindication came recently when he was able to present her with proof of her snoring. He made a tape recording and played it to her. She listened in horror to the stertorous intakes of breath, and the shrill whistling exhalations.

At first she claimed it wasn’t her, but didn’t pursue that line for long. After all, if it wasn’t her, who was it? She did make a valiant effort to go down fighting, with a few weak

passes of “No gentleman would record his wife’s snores,” but she knew when she was beaten.

However, as another poet said, revenge is sweet, and the next day she set about exacting hers. She got busy with the stereo equipment, pushed buttons, fiddled with recording levels, adjusted volume and tone controls, filtered rumbles and scratches. When she had finished, she was well satisfied with the result

That evening, while clearing up in the kitchen after dinner (which the beast hadn’t deserved, not after what he’d done!) she heard her husband talking to the children in the living room. There were bursts of laughter, and snatches of conversation, in which the words . “snore” and “mother” occurred.

Then, oh joy, came the sound of a tape being inserted into the machine, the click of a button. Father had evidently promised the youngsters the treat of a lifetime.

She waited, calmly, with the air of a woman who knows it isn’t the sound of her snoring that is about to fill the room, but the sound of a symphony orchestra. And the piece that orchestra will play? A Little Night Music, by Mozart, of course. What else? > ;