‘Give sorrow words’: dealing with grief

Press, 24 February 1986, Page 8

‘Give sorrow words’: dealing with grief

Making it happen

Nothing can ever really prepare us for the desolation felt at the death of someone close — even though it is an experience we all have to go through. In the past, grieving has tended to be something embarrassing and shameful, expressed behind closed doors. How often have we heard someone being told to “snap out of it” or to make a new life for themselves when they are still in a state of shock and disbelief. We now know that the grieving process has its own time and wisdom, and that only by letting ourselves experience all the feelings that follow a death can we find the strength to enjoy life again.

Talking about the loss is part of the healing process. Shakespeare put it eloquently: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er frought heart and bids it break.”

An ongoing course for those who are grieving is being held at the Presbyterian Support Services Campbell Centre every Wednesday from 12 noon until 1.30 p.m. Run by a psychologist, Jan Currie, and based on her own research and bereavement, it offers a place where people can freely, express their feelings in the company of others who understand. Jan Currie has designed the course in three stages to reflect what she sees as the three stages of grief — the reaction to the loss, the need to face the changes it brings, and finally reinvestment in life. The whole process — from the death until the time when energy and interest in life return — can take many months, or even years, she’ says. But there is a bonus. Often the bereaved person becomes stronger and more resourceful as a result of the experience.

"We do not have a choice in the griefjhat comes into our livfijfe but

we do have a choice in the way we eventually respond to that grief,” says Jan. Anyone wanting to join the course may do so at any time, and leave at any time. Held at the Campbell Centre in Antigua Street, it costs $5 a session. For further information phone 67-239.

Men and violence

Increasing concern about male violence in society has led to a workshop being set up for men, by men.

Called Men and Violence, this week-end’s workshop is a chance for men to look at their own attitudes to violence and take responsibility in working towards a nonviolent society. Run by Men Against Rape, it will be based on the premise that while men cause and tolerate violence, they also have the power to change this, not only in themselves but in other men.

Because of space the workshop is limited to the first 60 men who apply. A small charge of $7.50 or $5.00 for the unwaged will be made to cover costs.

Men Against Rape member, Richard Stewart, says he hopes the workshop will attract a broad cross-section of society.

The two sessions will be held on Friday night, February 28, from 7.30 p.m. until 10 p.m., and on Saturday, March 1, from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m. at the InService Suite, Room 317, at Christchurch Teachers’ College. If any man needs child care, or has other special ’ needs, please phone Richard at 385-059, ext 780 (day) or 892-939 (evenings) or Jonathon at 892756.

Women’s sexuality

It’s amazing, really, that although sex in some form is constantly

beamed at us from all sides, most of us still find it difficult to talk openly about our sexuality. Should it always be as earth-moving as books and films would have us believe? Should we feel attracted to the same sex? Why do we feel sexy at inappropriate times — or not at all when we’re supposed to? What is it like for other people?

The education team of the Family Planning Association is offering a course on women’s sexuality, starting next Tuesday evening, March 4. A six-week course, it will be held in the F.P.A.’s upstairs Education Room at 301 Montreal Street, from 7.30 p.m. until 9.30 p.m. Cost is $25. The course will provide information and look at the expectations of women in society today. There will also be the opportunity to share our attitudes, behaviour, drives and responses and to explore the expression of our sexuality. Women may also want to attend the workshop on the Pre-Menstrual Syndrome next Tuesday, March 4, from 9.30 a.m. until 11.30 a.m., or Thursday, March 6, from 12 noon until 1.30 p.m. A complementary lecture will be given by Dr Helen McGill on Wednesday, March 5, at 12 noon. Cost is $4 per session.

For more details about both these events, please phone the education division of the F.P.A at 790514.

Women's Centre The new Women’s Drop-In Centre, on the first floor of the Dominion Buildings at 91 Cathedral Square, is officially open. Any woman, whether she needs help to sort out a bad living situation or not, is welcome to call for a cup of coffee on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. will be there

to listen, give support and information. Children are welcome. For more details phone 797-147.

Infertility

The Christchurch Infertility Society will be holding its annual general meeting on Thursday, February 27, at Averill Lounge, St Mary’s Church, Church Lane, Merivale, starting at 7.30 p.m. Following the year’s report, a general discussion on this year’s events will be held . All enquiries to Sarah Armstrong, at 557371.

Women in public life Margaret Murray, chairman of Waimairi District Council, will talk on women in public life at the annual general meeting of Catalyst Incorporated tomorrow night, February 25. Catalyst is eager to set up new committees and sub-committees to organise such things as meetings, seminars, social activities, membership and the newsletter.

The meeting will be held at Catalyst’s new address at 309 Durham Street. Meet at 7 p.m. for a drink and snack before a 7.30 p.m. start. Compiled by Glenys Walker. Items for this coiumn should be sent to Glenys Walker, Making It Happen, Home and People Page, The Press, Box 1005, Christchurch. Items should reach the newspaper one week before publication date.