Cry for help: Oh, for a good night’s sleep!

Press, 16 January 1986, Page 13

Cry for help: Oh, for a good night’s sleep!

by

MAVIS AIREY

"Jerry is a delightful child until bedtime, then the nightmare begins .. ” "Getting my child to sleep at night begins at 7 o’clock, and can take anything up to 10.30 or 11 o’clock, by which time I am utterly exhausted ...

"Waking up begins about 11 p.m. and continues through the night. If we leave her, she cries; if we bring her into our bed, she wriggles and we don’t get to sleep anyway "I am so exhausted I can’t cope with anything else. Household chores get left undone almost every day because she is grizzly from lack of sleep ... ” "We have tried nearly everything — cot in our room, a bottle, a night light, even medication from the doctor — but nothing seems to work ... I> If this sounds familiar, you are in good company. Research suggests that more than a quarter of all •one to two-year-olds wake most nights. Parents’ reactions vary. To some, it is accepted as “just part of the reality of 24-hour parenting.” Some see the “family bed” as a time-honoured answer, used by many cultures. But for others, it is a

severe problem. The endless succession of sleepless nights, and the lack of time to devote to their own needs, their partner, and the rest of the family drives many parents to desperation. In some cases, it can lead to child abuse.

“Sleep problems in young children are common and they can be serious for all concerned,” says Kathy Macdonald, author of “The Sleep Book.”

“Many people find that things tend to get worse as time goes by. Parents tend to get more tired and run down, children get more difficult to manage, parents start to resent their children more, and interactions between parent and child tend to focus more and more on things that are wrong rather than on enjoying each other.

“It’s like a snowball rolling downhill, gradually getting bigger and more out of control.”

But her message is hopeful. “The good news about your child’s sleep problem is that you don’t have to put up with it. You can change it.”

“The Sleep Book" was written in response to the deluge of enquiries received by the Auckland-based Leslie Centre, where Kathy Macdonald works, about the sleep plan the centre has developed.

The plan is reported to have helped more than 1000 families with children’s night-waking problems. “People who could not visit us personally were literally begging us for help,” says Kathy Macdonald. “We were surprised by the extent of the need for advice. “We mailed out detailed information on the sleep plan and six months later followed up with a questionnaire.

“Results showed parents could successfully put the

plan into practice themselves.”

Kathy Macdonald says that while there are obvious advantages .in a personal visit, using comprehensive and carefully prepared written material has also proved effective. “That’s why we decided to write the book. This way we can simply share our knowledge and hopefully ease a tremendous burden on many parents. “Learning to sleep through the night is an important part of growing up, just like learning to walk, talk, and being toilettrained,” says Kathy Macdonald. “It is a whole new skill, which some children seem to learn automatically.” “Others need help, just as some children seem to toilet train themselves easily but others need lots of help and encouragement from their parents. “Perhaps your child has never learned to sleep through the night or perhaps she or he has abandoned good sleep patterns after some disruption to the routine. Either way, the changes will be enormous when the child is settling happily at bedtime and sleeping through the night in his or her own bed.”

Aside from affecting you to the point of desperation, children who cannot sleep

through the night may be over-active and difficult to manage during the day. Children who learn to sleep well during the night have markedly improved behaviour, workers at the Leslie Centre found.

The sleep plan was originally developed and researched under the direction of Dr Fred Seymour, a psychologist at the centre. “Too often in the past parents have gone to the family doctor and received medication to help their children sleep,” he says. “We were most concerned about this disturbing trend. “A drug-free solution was needed, and we feel our plan provides just that." The sleep plan is aimed at children aged between nine months and four years. “A child’s capacity for learning at an early age is incredible, and we have merely applied this principle to our programme. “There’s no reason infants as young as nine months shouldn’t benefit from a plan which enables them to sleep,” says Dr Seymour. If you have any subjects you would like discussed in Parents’ Survival Guide, please write to Mavis Airey, Home and People page, “The Press,” P.O. Box 1005, Christchurch 1.