Random reminder

Press, 21 September 1984, Page 34

Random reminder

SOUND AND FURY

Ski-ing can be a devastating experience. Not to mention expensive. However, there can be some wonderful moments. Not numbered among them is the sight of your own, or some other’s siblings wending their way through the moguls — not connected with the oil industry by the way — while your own good self indulges in snow temperature testing with the nose. Another is the knowledge that your chairlift partner has just found out that your recently purchased skis delaminate after a fortnight’s use — almost up — or your bindings have caused the most rotational fractures of the tibia since the original beartrap. Still, all these tribulations apart, there are some soul-restoring moments. Words cannot describe the beauty of a virgin slope perched above the clouds, the sound of squeaky snow under an obedient ski, or the feel of the cool, fresh wind on the face — just before the snow temperature is sampled. The beneficial effects of the compulsory infusions of gluhwein in the apres-ski circuit may be doubtful, after all, what gourmet would possibly advocate heating up perfectly good chateau de Methven with a bundle of cinnamon? But there is one sensation valued above all. That is the wonderful effect of twoway stretch fabric. Limbs that may not attract a second glance on the beach, rivet the eye with a fervour thought dormant till the spring. There are, of

course, several basic requirements for the attention-seeking wearer. An attractive colour, a reasonable set of limbs to put inside the garment, and an ability to at least stay in an upright position until the viewer departs in a shower of snow are all desirable, but above all, the 5 cent test is considered by all, aficionados as supreme. The test is simple. Upon insertion into the back pocket, or if such a facility is missing, under the garment where such a facility would exist, a 5 cent piece should be visible at ten paces. On bending over, for whatever reason, the date of the currency should be clearly legible over the same viewing distance. Such was the state of the garment the young lady was wearing in the ski-lift queue. The gentleman behind was tall, tanned, and well worth impressing. Unfortunately, unbeknown to her, he was wearing a jacket with those quick tearoff fastenings. At the very instant he undid his jacket - with that characteristic ripping sound — the young lady bent over to supposedly adjust her bindings. The reaction, both automatic and performed at speed, involved an imaginary swirl of cool air round the nether regions and was assumed to be the cause of her two ensuing injuries — a ricked back, and an even more painful flush of embarrassment The young man saw neither.