‘Unmentionables’ that are safe to serve

Press, 2 June 1984, Page 14

‘Unmentionables’ that are safe to serve

Food & Fable

by

David Burton

Of all those unmentionable hunks of flesh which in polite company are referred to as “variety meats” but in gutsier parlance, as it were, as just plain offal, the kidney is undoubtedly the most respectable. Plenty of people who relish steak and kidney pies or a mixed grill turn their noses up at tripe or brains. There is a vast repertoire of kidney recipes in French cuisine, where they go under the musical name of “rognons.” Recently the doyen of Cuisine Minceur, Michel Guerard, invented a recipe which involves dressing calves’ kidneys in an elegant waistcoat of spinach. Since the onus is not on me to defend this eminently edible organ, then, I beg you to recall its basic function in the body, which is to filter urine. Now it could well be, as the novelist-gourmande Alexandre Dumas wrote, that, “a flavour of urine is what connoisseurs of this sort of dish are seeking,” but I somehow doubt it. For me the tang of urine, however faintly scented, is not one of the pinnacles of fine cuisine. So when preparing kidneys I do my utmost to eliminate it. The most important consideration is the base product with which you begin. The kidneys of lambs or calves have only a fraction of the odour of kidneys from aged sheep or an ox, which are best used for pet food. Unfortunately the major meat distributors in this country lump all kidneys together, whether they be from a lamb or a sheep, so you will have to ask your butcher for lambs’ or calves’ kidneys by name. Both lambs’ and calves’ kidneys are noticeably smaller than those of hoggets, sheep, or oxen, and those of a really young spring lamb are pinkish rather thanreddish brown in colour. It also has o be said that

tpeople very often confuse the odour of cooking kidneys with the flavour of the finished dish, which is quite different. When kidneys are cooked correctly — by frying or grilling very quickly over a fierce heat — virtually all of the odour goes up in a foul-smelling cloud of steam. This purging process is best performed behind a tightly closed kitchen door, with the windows open and the extractor fan on full. If you wish you can soak your kidneys in cold water for eight hours or so before cooking, but I am wary of those who suggest boiling the kidneys in several changes of water. Such treatment not only removes the odour, but the flavour as well, and turns the kidneys grey and rubbery in the process. If you really detest the flavour of kidneys that much, then cook something else. People really can get rather precious about the smell of kidneys cooking. One who got his just desserts for this sort of behaviour was Napolon ed’Abrantes, the son of the Duke of Abrantes, one of Bonaparte’s generals. Sitting one evening in the Cafe Anglais in Paris, he feigned great offence at the man at the next table who had ordered spitted kidneys,

a dish Abrantes thought was just passable for a casual lunch, but definitely out of the question at dinner. He called over the waiter and ostentatiously had himself placed at another table over at the farthest end of the room. After dinner the man who had ordered the kidneys came over to him and said: “Sir, you object to kidneys in the evening. Do you object to duels in the morning?” He did not, and was skewered as neatly as the kidneys he had made so much fuss about, and spent the next three months in bed. To prepare lambs’ kidneys for cooking, peel off the outer skin, if your butcher has not already done this for you. In this country beef kidneys almost always come ready-stripped of their outer casing of fat, but all kidneys sold here will need to have their tough, gristly central core removed. Since kidneys go dry and tough with lengthy cooking, they are best sliced thinly lengthwise and fried or grilled for only 4 to 5 minutes, until they are brownish-grey on the outside but still pink in the middle. (For a steak and kidney pie or pudding or a casserole, you may as well use

an ox kidney, which is fairly tough anyway and whose flavour improves with long cooking.) On the principle that it is almost impossible to drown their very hearty flavour, I like to cook kidneys with plenty of other strong flavours, and particularly with alcohol, which will effectively mask any residual odour. A rather novel dish from Flanders, in France, is Rognons au Genievre, in which kidneys are served with a sauce of gin and white wine. Thinly sliced potatoes are slowly cooked to a golden brown in one pan, while sliced kidneys are quickly fried in another. The kidneys are then arranged over the cooked potatoes on a serving platter, while the pan juices are boiled and reduced with gin and white wine and poured over the dish. The recipe which follows is also cooked in the style of French cuisine, but since my list of ingredients does not owe allegiance to any. one classic recipe, I shall simply call it:

Kidneys with Marsala and Mushroom Sauce While I have specified dry Marsala here, almost any fortified wine will do just as well, such as port, Madeira, dry sherry, or even ordinary red or white wine. 2-3 calves’ kidneys, sliced 3-6 mm (Vs-Miin) thick OR 8-10 lambs’ kidneys, sliced lengthways Oil 3 tablespoons butter 250 g mushrooms, sliced 2 tablespoons tomato concentrate 1 teaspoon beef stock powder % cup water

Salt and pepper % cup dry Marsala 2 tablespoons chopped parsley Lightly smear the bottom of a heavy bottomed frypan with oil and place over high heat. Melt the butter, then immediately add the sliced kidneys and stir-fry over a fierce heat for 3 to 4 minutes. Tilt the pan to one side and push the kidneys to the other, and remove them with a slotted spoon or tongs. Place in a colander and allow any blood to drain away. Now place the mushrooms into the butter remaining in the pan. Fry over a high heat for about five minutes, then add tomato concentrate, beef stock powder, and water. Season to taste with salt and pepper and stir until the liquids have blended and reduced. Add the Marsala and boil until the raw alcohol has evaporated. Add the kidneys and heat through. Sprinkle parsley over and serve. Serves four as an entree.