Random reminder

Press, 28 May 1984, Page 30

Random reminder

DUEL BRAKING

An inventor in Scarborough (that’s Yorkshire, where the puddings come from, not Christchurch 8008) has patented the John Midgley Passenger-Operated Brake for motor-cars. If it is good enough for the Railways, says Mr Midgley, its good enough for the Morris Minor. A red handle (“Penalty for Improper Use Five Pounds”, no doubt) which is easily accessible to the passenger or driving instructor, triggers a compressed-air blast which disengages the clutch, pulls back the accelerator, and applies the hrAkfis If the driver has had, for example, a heart attack, something which many of us can expect at least once between now and the year 2084, the vehicle may come to as nearly an abrupt halt, with less risk of taking its surviving passengers over cliffs, through fences, up opposing lanes, or into the sea. The associated risk of being flattened from behind by 50 heavy lorries carrying between them the equivalent of a rail-way-waggon-load of goods is a lesser risk. The Road Code points out that all drivers should proceed at no greater speed than will allow them to stop before flattening parked cars. Common sense of course reminds us that this does not apply to convoys of 50 heavy lorries carrying between them the equivalent of a railway-waggon-load of goods. We look forward to the wide installa-

tion of the device, which is at least as sensible as the American dream of filling the motor-car with inflatable lifesize dolls as soon as the front bits crumple around the telephone pole. The only flaw we can see is that people are human. How DARE you, Miss Smith. I have never been so insulted. What kind of man do you think I am? I never dreamed that your invitation to cocktails, dinner, the Court Theatre, a night club, and a drive around the Port Hills would lead to such a depraved suggestion. Stop the car at once. Very well, then . . . (Grab, twist, HISS. Slam. Passenger starts running down Dyers Pass road looking for taxi.) Nag nag yatter yatter slow down yap yap You are going too fast Mind that car rabbit rabbit rhubarb rhubarb Careful, hey, what are you doing, I thought I told you to . . . (Driver gabs and twists emergency handle. HISS. Slam. Driver starts running through Cathedral Square looking for a bus.) The Ministry of Transport and the Crown Law Office will have to define “driver,” and specify how control of a motor vehicle can be handed over to, or taken by, a passenger. By signing legal papers in front of a postmaster, perhaps. Naturally, in cases of acute cardio-vascular emergency, i.e. death, an ordinary common-or-garden Justice of the Peace will do.