DO YOU GET MY DRIFT?

Press, 26 May 1984, Page 18

DO YOU GET MY DRIFT?

By

WHIM WHAM

Continental drift has been a subject of scientific speculation for decades, but the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration has used satellite technology to produce measurements for the first time . . . the Atlantic is widening about I.scm a year . . . Australia and North America are drifting apart by slightly more than Icm a year, etc., etc. — News. What I like about the Theory Of Continental Drift Is that there’s Nothing revolutionary In question, it’s not swift — No Panic, no indecent Or undignified Haste — Your Map of the World, with its Land Masses, the Way they’re spaced, May look different when the next Million Years have gone by, And That won’t be visible to your naked Twentieth Century Eye — A few Kilometres, a couple of Million Years — perhaps? At that Rate, our nuclear Warlords Won’t need new Maps; Drifting Continents can’t cause Miscalculations — The Missiles won’t miss, if dispatched To their Destinations. Our Round Trip Fare to Disneyland Can’t be much affected By a Millimetre Drift from California, If that’s expected. Sir, this is the kind of scientific Advance I like best, Nice and slow, and no practical Consequence Like a French Test — No Microchip, no horrible High Tech Developments, Just drifting, happily and harmlessly With the Continents. ;