Superstars’ shortcomings

Press, 11 February 1983, Page 13

Superstars’ shortcomings

1 Ken Strongman j

Some television programmes seem a good deal more enjoyable for the participants than for the viewer. "Sporting Superstars" is one of these, particularly the two-part local attempt shown on the Saturdays which bracket this review.

The first impression to emerge is that although those chosen to compete are very successful sportspersons in their specialities, the general term "Superstar" is a misnomer. Put most of them to doing something else, unrelated to their own sport, and they look as unfit and uncoordinated as the rest of us. There are exceptions of course, but it is surprising how often fitness and style do not seem to generalise very well. All of which may be fascinating to the contestants, but it makes for trivial television. Somehow, one wants tube performances to be polished and professional, not rough and amateur. Naturally, the “stars” rapidly become aware that their shortcomings are on public display. They appear to react

to this in one of two ways, neither of which is beguiling.

Some set about an alien sport with stern, serious, grim endeavour, like children giving the impression that even if they fail it won’t be for want of trying. Others give up altogether and clown about, and. not surprisingly, they are no better at clowning than at anything else. It is demeaning to see someone as formidable as Stu Wilson not only fail, but also be unfunny as he clowns. At least "Hadlee retained his usual calm detachment.

News Zealand's "Superstars" has its own specialities. Where else in the world would the events include

sawing. and mustering sheep? Next year perhaps it would be good to see a bit of dagging or ear-tagging. Or what about someone like Frank van Hattum doing some of New Zealand's very own mini-skirted marching”

Last Saturday, the most unusual moment came when Doug Armstrong, who is getting himself into some pretty pickles of late, arranged to be picked up and carried away by Glenda Hughes. There was something decidedly disturbing about this. They both suffered a loss of presence.

Which brings me to the most enthralling and unlikely event of the television week. Graham Thorne has had a perm. It is perhaps impolite or even unkind to speculate about the reasons for this, but it certainly has some farreaching implications about other changes that we may see.

The normally conservative Phillip Sherry would be transformed by a Helen Dawson hair style, and it is probably time that Dougal Stevenson had his ears

pierced. "The Two Ronnies" has demonstrated how easy it is to exchange male and female roles. Think of how much more lively the early and late weather report’s would be if there was an exchange of roles. Picture Hayward Osborne. There could be some genuine treats in store.

New Zealand is often there with a’ first. Why not the first punk newsreader? 0.K.. punk is becoming slightly passe now. but there is a general conservatism about the role of newscaster, so it would be appropriate for their new image to be slightly dated. One suspects that the harrowing changes which Graham Thorne has heralded can be traced back to Angela d’ Audney. She found such a singular (or doubular) way to claim forever a place in our visual memories, that her colleagues will be hard put to it to find similar resources. As the year's television begins, it will be good to see what they can pull out of the bag for our visual delight.