Crooks go giggling out the door

Press, 19 August 1982, Page 9

Crooks go giggling out the door

By

MIKE ROYKO,

of the

“Chicago Sun-Times” (through NZPA)

It’s as predictable as the ocean tides. Every so often, Circuit Judge Daniel Ryan has to do something so barmy that you wonder whether he should be wearing a black robe or a. white strait-jacket. His most recent exploit was to order an admitted cop killer to be released from prison because the man’s lawyers said he had a serious health problem. It didn’t seem to faze Ryan that he had no authority to release the man just'because he had sentenced him to prison in the first place. Such fine points of the law have never troubled Ryan. Nor did it occur to Ryan that- the killer could obtain adequate medical care while remaining in prison and serving his sentence. Ryan has never been noted for deep thinking. But this is only the latest in a long string of decisions that have left prosecutor’s scratching their heads, police officers gnashing their teeth, and criminals giggling all the way out the door. Here are a few highlights from Ryan’s long judicial career:

The case of the weakeyed cop: A traffic cop - was accused of hustling a $lOO bribe from an insurance adjuster. It looked like an open-and-shut case, since the money was marked and was found in the cop’s pocket. But the cop testified and gave his explanation: “I didn’t know it was money. I thought he handed me a subpoena.” That sounded reasonable to Ryan, and be found the cop not guilty.

The case of the reverse pickpocket: A state liquor inspector was arrested for soliciting a tavernkeeper for a $5O bribe. Since the money was found in the inspector’s pocket, it looked like another open-and-shut case. But the inspector explained: “Somebody must have slipped it in my pocket without my knowing it.” That didn’t sound strange to Ryan, so he acquitted the man. The case of the goin’ Samoan: The police cracked one of the city’s biggest professional autotheft rings. It was such a big-money operation that the thieves sneered at anything besides Cadillacs, Mercedes-Benzes, Lincolns, and other highpriced cars. The evidence was so solid that the head of the ring pleaded guilty. (Since the judge was Ryan, the guilty plea puzzled observers. They wondered why the thief didn’t say that somebody was stuffing the cars in his garage without bis noticing.) With the guilty plea, Ryan could have sent the car thief to prison, where he belonged. Instead, Ryan observed that the thief had been born on the tropical island of Samoa. So Ryan sentenced the man to return to Samoa and to take part in a workrelease programme. One of the policemen who broke the case, said: “It’s the first time I’ve; ever heard of a thief sentenced to get a sun-tan.” The case of the patient mobster: A crime-syndi-cate mug was trying to sell a stolen $250,000 ($NZ345,000) stamp collection to a collector. The

collector turned out to be an undercover cop, and he arrested the mug. The case came before Ryan, and he threw out the charges, saying that since the mobster had had the stamps for more than three years before he was caught, the statute of limitations applied. As a prosecutor said: “That might make sense if you stole eggs or milk, but . not rare stamps.” There are many others, but you probably get the idea. In fairness, though, I should point out that Ryan is not always tender and kind to criminals. He can also be very tough. It was Ryan who sentenced the late Lenny Bruce, the comedian, to a year in prison. Bruce had been found guilty of telling dirty jokes during his nightclub routine in the old Gate of Horn in Chicago. So Ryan is not a complete patsy. He might send car thieves to Samoa, but dirty jokes in a nightclub is a prison offence. If Ryan’s name sounds familiar to you, I’ll explain his political lineage. His uncle and namesake was Dan Ryan, a political powerhouse who was president of the Cook County Board. For years, Uncle Dan arranged for nephew Dan to have soft political jobs, and later made him judge. And it was Uncle. Dan Ryan after whom the Dan Ryan Expressway was named. If you are not sure which is which, just remember this: The Dan Ryan Expressway is the one that has all the holes in its surface. The Dan Ryan who is the judge is the one who has all the holes in his head. ■