Random reminder

Press, 1 June 1981, Page 19

Random reminder

EVEN HIS BEST FRIENDS.

The cricket season is long over and New Zealand’s captain, Mr Geoffrey Howarth, is back in England for the summer season there, so this dreadful story can now be told.

How Mr Howarth would have been shattered had he known, because it occurred on the day of his batting triumph at the Basin Reserve in Wellington. And he, poor man, was entirely oblivious of the awful thing being said about him. Ignorance is indeed bliss. This tale concerns a young man of ardent cricket affection. But this summer he was having to share his affections with a young lady who was looming larger and larger in his plans for the future. She had expressed no interest in watching him bat, bowl or field for his club on Saturdays so far but, with the plans he had in mind for her, it was plain that her introduction to his other love could not be postponed indefinitely. So he decided to take her to the test match against India to introduce her to the game. How many men have done that over the centuries, and how many hoary tales have resulted.

Our hero was a well-read man in cricket literature. Not for him the

hopeless task of explaining the technical terms of the game. Not for him the embarrassment of his young lady being put off him for life because of his devotion to the incomprehensible. He swotted up and practised at home just how he would explain the game to her, in plain English, so that she could understand it and (hopefully) become interested. His plan was working well. She was interested in his lucid explanation. Perhaps her plans for him matched his for her. Then he made the fatal mistake of relaxing. Another New Zealand wicket had fallen, and the unfortunate butt of this story — Mr Howarth — was leaning on his bat at the other end of the pitch waiting for a new partner, while he moved brilliantly on to his own century. Our hero pointed to Mr Howarth and said: “He is the hope of the side. We can do all right if only he can get someone to stay in with him.” His lady companion was turned to stone. Her mouth opened, her eyes stared, her breath was suspended for an endless moment with the horror of it all. Then she turned to our hero and gasped: “Good heavens. Is he really as disagreeable as all that?”