The custard and jelly (telly)

Press, 25 March 1981, Page 14

The custard and jelly (telly)

f Review!

Ken Strongman

Monday's “Comedy Playhouse 7 ’ was utterly unfunny, possibly worth a prize as the worst programme of the decade. It is pointless to make further comment, other than to bemoan its inclusion in this otherwise good series. Fortunately, “Minder* (One) which followed, is now well into its second season and continuing to do well.

Terry still shows a noselifting "disdain for everything other than the ordinarily important things of life such as booze and women, but nevertheless manages to “mind 7 ’ even those persons who are not to his taste. Arthur continues to mastermind Terry’s life but manages to keep himself a good barge-pole length from the grubbier parts of the action. This -week they had to spend a day or two in the country — a frightening thought to a Londoner — attempting to repossess a bull. The repossession turned out to be rustling, .the conmen being conned. Meanwhile Terry also managed to help out a stripper friend who is being threatened by a kinky voyeur and finds time to vent his pleasure on a domestic air hostess.

“Minder” is all very enjoyable but there are a couple of aspects of it which could be explored a little. It represents a recent advance in the type of television heroes

which are being set up for us to admire: people who are endearing in their vague inadequacy, although trying to be sharp: con-men whom we are allowed to hold in reasonable regard because they don't hurt anyone very much, don’t go for the big-time, and who fail as often as they succeed. Society half admires the con-man anyway and the nagging sense of guilt at so doing is removed by making him mildly inadequate. Thus we are being encouraged to admire not only those who prey on the foibles of others, but" those who do not do it very well. All of which is

endorsed by Terry, the Minder himself, being somewhat of a dupe with a morality of sorts. Perhaps more important than this however, is that “Minder” is another of those programmes set in London that relies for part of its impact on Cockney rhyming slang. How much sense does it make outside London? Take these examples from Monday’s episode: "What a great deaf you’ve got” (deaf and dumb — bum); “You don't ’alf pen” (pen and ink — stink): “Get on the dog, then” (dog and bone phone); “What a lot of cobblers” (cobbler’s awls —).

Just in case this manner of speech is too much of a mouthful for local consumption. it is perhaps timely to develop a New Zealand version. Here is a beginning, which could be added to as the muse takes you: Crude and irrational — National; beggar your neighbour — Labour; horror and dread — Socred; thumbscrews and racks — income tax; broken and late — freight: E.E.C. stutter — butter; money melter — smelter; rimu and kauri — Maori: bottling jar — pakeha: never a look — Mount Cook; dead or alive — Beehive.

With luck, and application, we could in time sell a locally made product for consumption in Great Britain, and leave them to guess the meaning of half the dialogue. Possibly though, a few “Get in behi'nds” might be confusing enough to your average Londoner.