Random reminder

Press, 10 November 1980, Page 28

Random reminder

' MINUTE WALTZ “Tiny taverns will be allowed into Auckland city’s larger suburban shopping centres and into its highest density residential zones, under a decision released this week by the Planning Tribunal” — news item. Is this a good idea? Has the Planning Tribunal done the right thing? We wonder. In the first place, how tiny are these taverns? Do you have to stoop to enter them? Do you have to drink in a crouching position? The use of the word “tiny” suggests that you might. “Random Reminder” has drunk in taverns in England that were certainly very small, but not so small as to qualify, for the description of "tiny.”

Perhaps the use of the word “tiny” 5s ironic, as in "Tiny” Hill or “Tiny” White. But the Planning Tribunal would surely have seen through that dodge. The “Shorter Oxford Dictionary” defines “tiny” as meaning "very small, little or slight; minute.” Is the word “minute” the clue? Does the appellation of “tiny” refer not to the size of the tavern but to the

length of time you are allowed to drink there, i.e. a minute?

That could hardly be seen as being socially desirable; the six o’clock swill was bad enough, but having to crash down your drinks in a minute would promote anxiety rather than the leisurely reflection and companionship which are the chiem justifications for taverns. And what happens if you don’t get served within the minute? Would you have to go out and come in again? There are all sorts of unsolved problems about these taverns, and for our part we are glad that they are being tried out first in Auckland. If they do wreak untold havoc it won't be noticed up there. Another very obvious disadvantage of tiny taverns has presented itself to us, even as we were typing the words "another very obvious disadvantage.” If tiny taverns are going to be as tiny as all that, then their diminutiveness, if we can put it that way, may well extend to the measures they serve. In other words, if you are working your way along the top shelf, you may well find that tiny taverns only serve tiny tots.