Random reminder

Press, 9 October 1980, Page 26

Random reminder

THINGS THAT GO CRASH IN THE NIGHT

The patter of tiny feet is usually welcomed by married couples, after the observation of the statute of limitations. It is a different cup _of very early morning tea when the tiny feet belong to an intruder, and there is no patter to -' be heard. They have not long been married, they have settled into a new home, and they have a kitten called Fluffy oi Buffy or something. Fluffy takes her rest of an evening at the foot of their bed. So it was necessary to provide one of those little cat doors so that Fluffy could nick out into the night, should occasion demand. They had not been long in residence when their sleep was disturbed by Fluffy showing eveiy evidence of anxiety. She stood with arched back and hair at the vertical, looking like someone watching a midnight horror movie. This was not standard practice, and the man of the house conducted an immediate investigation. He discovered that the remainder of Fluffy’s daily food ration had disappeared from her plate. A day or two later, it was clear that the Furry Phantom of Fendalton had struck again — a well-laden plate, quite empty. And they had been taking it laying down. But no longer.

This man of infinite resource organised his defences in a manner which would appeal to senior citizens

with memories of Harry Tate’s mousetrap or Heath Robinson’s intricate cartoons. The trigger was at his bedside, the end of a string which runs this way and that, some 20 yards, to a strategic position near the cat door. At the business end, half a dozen large tin trays are suspended from the string. A couple of nights after assembling this device, Fluffy gave the alarm. The mechanism was operated with splendid effect: his wife lost several shades of colour, Fluffy executed a spectacular vertical take-off and the considerable duck population at the stream beside his home took to the air with a whirring of wings and unmistakeable sounds of displeasure. Lights went on in neighbouring houses. It is sad to record that the FPOF escaped. So our inventive genius refined his adding, outside the cat exit, a large container full of water, the theory being that Fluffy, making a demure exit, would be in no danger but that a fugitive cat (FPOF) would burst through the door trap and go straight in. So far, the water hazard has accounted only for one unwary tradesman. It has not troubled the FPOF. But there are other side-effects. Try a night on the back, string coiled about a finger, waiting and waiting, staring at the ceiling. Insomnia is highly unpleasant.