A social history from the Personal Column

Press, 16 August 1980, Page 15

A social history from the Personal Column

B;

ROBYN JENKIN

For years I’ve been an avid reader of newspaper Personal Columns. No, I don’t need a new husband, a massage, or a spare seat on a flight to Dunedin. So why do Ido it? r ■ . I suppose it began out of: idle curiosity and the fact that Saturday morning seemed to be- the only time I : could sit down witha. cup' of coffee and scan the paper, from- cover .to cover. So now, quite -a> few years later, I feel'l', am in a good position'to write, a social history of the Per* sohal Column. • It is a history, for there has. been a subtle change ' .taking place: , over the j years until today’s column represents a microcosm of i our world, its ups and downs, laughter and tears . and growing sophis1 tication. ?, , t f

Years ago there was nd Personal Column, although the .“Illustrated London ‘News” of- the 1880 s, despite lacking anyone want-* ing a mate, did have all the late nineteenth century equivalents of what we ought to be buying — Pratt’s water pad trusses for ruptures, colds cured by Dr Dunbar’s Alkafam, or Creme Pinard for those red dishwom hands. .

With the beginning of the real Personal ."Column in this century a new type of < service was added to the ■ medium. : . Here was something for those retiring; violets in . the - community. Those lonely people who would love to have ! a friend but just didn’t have . enough confidence to go out and join a club as all their'friends said they should. A Per-. sonal Column offered communication with anonymity. Those first . efforts were very formal

‘Young man wishes .to meet' girl (age), view outings. • Company. Must be genuine.” And, .of course, one or

two advertisements. “Professor West’s Gastric Mixture;- or, “Wanted,.. false teeth. Highest price paid.” It was not long before some of our social graces began ’to appear: “Lady ; will visit, ladies in own homes. 'Teaching Auction bridge.” Glimpses of paper thin . thread and butter, cream cakes, and card tables.From n-.. between-the-wars column: “Two or three respectable fellows

wanted for party cruise Picton Sounds. Easter. Car jan-advantage.” Cah’t you just see .fliem —. open roadster, white ducks, striped blazer. Maybe a boater. Real Bertie Wooster stuff.

From the beginning loneliness came through: “Men and women, young and elderly, join a Pen Club. Why be lonely?” And, “Agnes Hart, Betta Friendship service.” And, of course among our social ills “Alcoholics Anonymous.” " , ' In earlier times, almost without exception, those seeking company were men wanting women. I don’t think for one moment (here were not dozens of sad-eyed little girls longing for a man, but in those days the man always made the first move.

Today, all that has changed: today’s Personal Column provides a good cross-section of life.

First,, the male-female thing. Seldom do we see that earlier formal statement; nor is it a maledominated medium. In fact, quite the opposite. Now the mood is relaxed, unselfconscious and, best of all, humorous. I’ve often-thought some of the advertisers would be fun to meet but, on the' other hand, if they sound so

much fun, why do they have to advertise? “There is an old saying; life begins at 40. For this easy-going, well-preserved, educated man, the time has just arrived. Perhaps there is a lady prepared to reply, .who will appreciate his company and so change the . pattern of her life.” Take a closer look before you. rush off a reply- “ Easy-going?” How .easygoing — been out of work

for months? “Well-pre-served?” Actually 60 but looks 40? “Well-educated” Passed School Cert, or left school at 15? And another: “A broadminded, happy-go lucky guy, 32, would like to correspond with girl with large build, perhaps the shy type with view to eventual meeting. I am a caring, fun-loving person . . .”

This'one makes me very suspicious. Broad-minded in this day and age could mean anything. Large build? He’s probably pretty overweight himself and won’t feel so bad about it The shy 'type? He’s probably married and she’s not so likely to cause trouble.

Some obviously have trouble finding a mate because, they already think they are. God’s gift to women: “A tall, dignified gentleman” or another who wants “a quiet, home-lov-ing woman.” In other words, she. looks after his home comforts and he’ll do all the talking Then there’s your plain ordinary guy: “Gidday, I’m. an average looking guy, 30 years old, fairly tall. I’d like to meet a girl, 23 to 35, ; to start a meaningful relationship.” Ah, . meaningful. How I love that word., What meanings it conjures up! , When i|-comes Jo being

specific I think the women win, hands down: “A tall, well-educated intelligentgent who enjoys sincere company, an occasional show, film, or dine and dance, is sought by a lady early 30s who has a weakness for brown eyes, moustaches, and dark hair.” No Robert Redfords need apply. Or: “Presentable, University female, sft 7in desires handsome University-edu-cated male, tall, with' cul-

tural and sporting interfests.” And again: “Is your life meaningless, without someone to share it with? Are you dignified, tall, widower or unattached, non-smoking gentleman, 50-55, devoid of hang-ups, well-established —- mortified at using this column? Then attractive, independent widow wanting to share’s life’s experiences with someone special would like to meet you.” Some manage to portray such loneliness, perhaps far from all they hold dear: “Widow, mid-50s, sft 2in, wishes to meet or correspond with gent same age; Prefer ex-U.K. person who is happy living in New Zealand but feels so alone at times.”

There is always the incurable romantic: “Sometimes I wonder what future this heart of mine . has. Sincere and honest, yet wandering. Maybe a young woman will Walk into my life. Is. it you, or is this guy just a dreamer?” This plea from the heart: “Somewhere there must be a sincere, presentable man, 50 plus, who, like me, retains some old-fashioned values about . caring; and sharing; then I would love to hear from you.” , , So, te is side of the personal column has not

changed much. A bit more specific and vastly more humorous these days,; but the same message is still there. Boy — girl is lonely and wants a mate. The big change has come in social attitudes, customs, and general way of life. Such as: “Homosexual, if you want to feel more positive about being gay, phone us.” Or: “Gay Liberation Front offers a social atmosphere and an educational' forum.” Of course, there are those who don’t agree: “Gay sinners, the reason you have that unsatisfied desire is because you have rejected God and let the Devil come into your Only Jesus Christ can change you if you’ll ask. him into your life. Read the Bible in Lev. 18.22, I Cor.g-100.” Our violent society has. not been overlooked: “Afraid of the. man you live with? Battered women’s support group, “Women’s. refuge — A shelter from domestic violence,” “Pregnancy help.” And still “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Nor has the present economic situation been overlooked, with advertisements for clothing repairs and alterations. Our beliefs are catered for, too. We can consult colour therapists, hypnotheirapists, and astrologers: “Capricorn gent (30)

wishes to meet Pisces Jady for outings.” Let us finish with one of my favourites: “Gent, about 25 model, motor reasonable condition, not adapted alcohol or smoke emission, body dented, colour graying, patchy and bare on top, good honest job, used to country roads and uphill tracks; no Rolls Royce or Sports Model, just sentimental value, with a view to double parking where legal and, if desired, would single lady or widow please reply ” I’m sorry T don’t qualify, He sounds good value!