Random reminder

Press, 2 April 1980, Page 32

Random reminder

JADE HEARINGS

Another five Rumours-Too-True-To-Be-Good, following our 100 per cent success with the last lot. “Joggers Make Better Lovers” is now a T-shirt “Charles Is Married Already” was announced by a speaker in the Square, who had “read it in the Press.” Vietnam hormones popped up in the real hews as Agent Orange. Sunlight continues to power no motor cars. And as for the waltz — read on. Again, NONE OF THESE RUMOURS IS TRUE. (Yet) Rumour VI: Ms Bartlett’s delay in denouncing the close-body-contact waltz revival (new Ken Russell film, already banned to Catholic teen-agers) is due to the distributors threatening to publish an early photograph of Ms Bartlett waltzing — and apparently loving it. ■ . I Rumour VII: West Coast river bar gold deposits will be dredged, and all I river mouths reclaimed behind dykes, producing. S4J billion in gold and new fertile pastures the size of the All the land and bullion

"Brierley is making a takeover 6ip for Afeiv Zg/u/WD--4? RECOMMENDS NEW ZEALANDERS ACCEPT THE OFFER SuBTECf To SUITABLE REDUNDANCY PAYMENTS 70 POLITICIANS.. rfU'RotVLIM VIGOROUSLY DENOUNCES THE TM's ACTION Bit AGREES AM INTEGRAL. CLAUSE OF ANY SUCH fIdfIEEMENT SHWU» BE HEDUMANtf PAYMENTS POLITICIANS... 9

has already been signed over the Japanese and West Germans. Rumour VIII: In spite of the news . blackout and the fact that it will never come to trial, most right-thinking , people believe (Insert any well-known name) to be innocent Rumour I:X Marijuana has been planted in so many river valleys and on so many sunny slopes, and abandoned by so many of our 50,000 annual migrants (the educated, skilled ones) that by 1982 it will be self-sown EVERYWHERE. Rumour X: Second-hand TV prices have slumped, newspapers allot minimum space to TV trivia ... although New Zealand will continue to have a TV set in most homes, grownups just aren’t watching. I SPECIAL EXTRA BONUS RUMOUR. The Press Council, acting on a I complaint from a “speaker now too ; embarrassed to appear ir the Square” ■.has suggested that all newspaper jokes have a heavy black border and the word “JOKE” in heavy black type.