New series of 'Two on One’ promises little

Press, 10 April 1978, Page 15

New series of ' Two on One’ promises little

By

A. K. GRANT

The first episode of the! new series of "Two on One”] was a riveting televisual ex-j perience. Far from enjoy-i able, but always riveting.. In the first place we had to* jcome to terms with the] i amazing pairing of Ray! ] Woolf and Davina White-1; | house. Whoever came up]; ; with this idea deserves the]; I title of Lateral Thinker of L

i the Year. i Miss Whitehouse may be j I a woman of many gifts, but lan aptitude for hostessing] variety shows is not among; them. She looked like a bad-! tempered owl who had been! ordered to be good-natured.] Poor old Ray Woolf, whose! basic gift is an ability to i

appear rather nice, looked, yoked to Davina, like a lamb which knew it was on its way to the freezing works. We were giver a reminder of an earlier Avalon coup when Glyn Tucker appeared in what he called “an interview situation.” He then sang “Mer-oon River,” proclaiming that he and thei river were “ter-oo drifers, arf to see ther wer-ald.”| Apparently they were after: “the sah-aim rainbow’s end.” If Henry Mancini, who wrote the song for the film “Breakfast ' at Tiffany’s,”; could have heard Glyn he; would have turned over ini his grave, assuming he had! a grave. In the film the song was sung, or at any rate mimed by Audrey Hepburn, and Andy Williams later made it his own. Glyn manages not

to put one in mind of either of them. Still, nobody could deny that he was in a “Moon River” situation. Then we were shown a bodybuilder who looked as though he had been extruded from polyester resin, and about whom everybody spoke as though he were not actually present. He was followed by Mr David H tnell, a gossip columnist, whose

; personality certainly suited his occupation, but whose gossip mainly consisted of I the Government Valuation of houses. Then we had John Rowles,, I who has made it big in the I 'States. (I am not exactly' I sure what he has made big; in the States, but I have no doubt that whatever it it I is very big). I “What trends are going on lin California right now?” Ray asked him wistfully, Rav having only made it big in New Zealand. Apparently the disco scene is very big in California right now, and so I suppose, if they have to accommodate all these large scenes, are the discos. (By I the way, is a discotheque a ; nrivate investigator who follows people onto dance floors?) • The new “Two on One” i actually achieves the extra--ordinary feat of making the | old “Two >n One” seem like ’a great show. My advice to Michael Hockley, who proi duces the programme, is to I drop Davina Whitehouse and • substitute, as Ray’s partner, ■ Major-General McKinnon. After all, if he was good enough to run the whole NZBC in the old days, he ought to be good enough for any damned variety show.