‘Punch’ lampoons immigration policy

Press, 14 November 1977, Page 16

‘Punch’ lampoons immigration policy

NZPA London New Zealand immigration policy — in which the occupation of “millionaire” is not a required skill — has been lampooned by the Briti s h satirical weekly, “Punch.” The “Punch” staff writer, Miles Kington, in the latest issue of the magazine satirises the recent decision by the Minister of Immigration (Mr Gill) to forbid permanent resident status to the Belgian millionaire, Mr Victor Waroquier. The article is based on two fictional characters — Bruce Webster, “a fourth generation New Zealander,” and Herr Treufuss, a “twenty-third generation German and a first generation millionaire.” Webster “had done all the things a New Zealander should do. He had been to school, broken a leg at rugby, seen a sheep, spent a year in Europe, and changed planes in Australia. Now he was an immigration official, and why not? Someone had to stop the bastards from trying to come in,” Kington wrote.

Treufuss tries everything to gain residential status. He volunteers to teach German, but is rejected on the ground that “all the Germans here speak it fluently already.” Next he invades a test match. “Midway through the second half, the All Blacks were still 9-6 down against the British Lions. Then, from a fierce scrimmage on the halfway line a figure in a New Zealand shirt burst forth holding the ball under one arm and brandishing a sabre in the other. Uttering bloodcurdling cries of ‘Achtung. Achtung.’ He charged down the pitch slashing at any Briton daring to approach him. When he reached the line he thrust the point of the sabre through the ball and held it over his head like a Teuton warrior displaying the head of his enemy. The crowd went wild . . .” The ensuing publicity for the “German test maniac millionaire case” still makes no impression on the authorities. As a last-ditch effort, Treufuss kidnaps one Murray Mackenzie, “the country’s only Left-wing ex-

tremist,” threatening to give SIM to the National Party unless the fictional extremist goes along with the scheme. Under this plan, Treufuss will hold Mackenzie to ransom, releasing him only in return for permission to live in New Zealand.

This results in newspaper headlines of “Left-wing extremist kidnapped by millionaire.” Police surround the house while Treufuss feeds his hostage, the police, and anyone else who cares to come along, on champagne and caviar. At this stage, Treufuss becomes homesick and decides to return to Germany, in spite of a last-minute change of heart by the immigration official, Bruce Webster. “Look, we’ve been thinking things over and we reckon you might qualify, for citizenship on account of your special skills as a public figure,” he is told. “Special category, really. We don’t have many famous people here and there’s a crying need for New Zealand celebrities. What do you say?”

“Sorry,” said Treufuss. “Besides, I am running out of travellers’ cheques.”