‘Women’ for the last time

Press, 5 October 1977, Page 11

‘Women’ for the last time

By

NANCY CAWLEY

“The Woman in Your Life is You,” on Monday evening, was the final programme in Diedre McCartin’s provocative six-part TVI documentary on New Zealand women. It explored with naked honesty the sexual attitudes and aspirations of several women, their hang-ups and helplessness in sexual relationships where they were merely “used” by their partners. It looked into the premise that “We are still suffering from the Victorian attitude that nice women don’t enjoy sex.” It discussed masturbation and lesbianism. And finally, it offered some tentative conclusions. For many viewers the idea that a satisfactory sexual relationship is possible where both partners comfort and care for each other may not seem world-shaking. To Ira Herangi, after six years in a

soulless marriage, it was a revelation. As a child, she had lived in a setting where bodies were not talked about or shown in a natural manner. When she married she felt her job was “to pleasure her husband.” Now, she says wonderingly, she realises there are people who are suited to each other, who

can make each other glow. Tilly Hunter, an older woman and a Wellington office worker, is now in a second happy marriage, but if her normally loving and considerate husband starts to dominate her, she is back to square one again. “Square one” was a marriage where her first husband criticised her repeatedly, saying “no woman is ever logical,” and then expected her to accompany him lovingly to bed. She felt she was a “second-class citizen” even there. The women’s case studies were rounded out by a young Auckland psychologist. Most of the women who come to her clinic blame themselves for the failures in their sex life. But, she says, “people don’t have sex problems by themselves.” Because a woman is used to deferring to men in most transactions outside the home, she finds it difficult to give herself on an equal footing in her sexual relationships. At times during the series it has seemed that women were presented in a favourable light whatever they did. This was so in this last film, where one woman grizzled about feeling tired most of the time and said that when she didn’t feel like sex, her husband massaged her shoulders and then she did. Poor husband. For the most part, though, “The Woman in Your Life is You” came through as one of the best of the six films. A sensitive topic was handled with skill, and even if the women told of bad times they were not pessimistic about loving relationships. The glimpse of the lesbian couple and the quiet affection of their life together did not seem long enough. Discussing the more experimental aspects of sex, the Auckland psychologist said a good rule of thumb was, “Whatever gives you pleasure and doesn’t hurt anyone else.” An encouragingly therapeutic concept for most, but not for the Patricia Bartletts of this world. Fifty per cent of New Zealand television viewers are women, but Diedre McCartin’s films mark the first time their special needs have received comprehensive and sensitive coverage on our screens. At the recent United Women’s Convention in Christchurch, Ms McCartin said she had made the films in response to “pressure from women” — women themselves in need, and women who were concerned for the many members of their sex who were in damaging social situations. As the song that was composed for the series by Dorris Thompson says, it was “Time now to show us as we are. . .” Diedre McCartin’s other five films were, (1) “Is Marriage a Health Hazard?” (marital depression); (2) “When the Honeymoon is Over,” (violence against women); (3) “When Did You Last See Yourself on TV?" (TV female stereotypes); (4) “Maori Women in a Pakeha World.” and (5) “Who Cares About Child Care?”