The better and the sweet...

Press, Volume CXVI, Issue 34087, 26 February 1976, Page 16

The better and the sweet...

“Class distinction in Britain ? They had never noticed it Lady Ranfurly said emphatically” . . . , from an interviewin “The Press.”

When the sixth Earl of Funruly brought his young bride back to the family seat at Surleigh Manor, they’drove in an open carriage past miles of smock-clad tenants, all pulling their forelocks, waving their crooks and crying, “God bless your lord and ladyship.” Lady Funruly was a little disturbed bv the i phenomenon. “Dearest.’’ she said to the I Earl, “does the presence of these obsequious vokels imply the existence of a sys-i -tern of class distinction in I Britain?”

“Not at all. my love.” said the Earl, reassuringly. “Thev are simplv observing a local) custom which has been part! of village life at Surleigh for'

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centuries. The fact that any tenant who hasn’t turned up today will be evicted by the week-end is purely a matter of business between him and me. man to man.”

“Oh dearest,” said Lady Funruly, thankfully, “you are such a comfort.” $ $

“Dearest,” said Lady Funruly to her husband one day, “I cannot help noticing that from time to time you pop on an ermine robe and a rather nice coronet and go down to the House of Lords. Now I of course understand these things, but could malicious people take the view that vour membership of the House means that you are the beneficiary of a system of class distinction?” “Not at all. my dear.” said the Earl. “It is widely known that the only reason I go to the House is because there was a full waiting list for [membership of the Surleigh I Workingmen’s Club.”

A. K. GRANT)

Emma. the Funruly’s eldest daughter, fell in love with Herbert Erpworth. a turret lathe operator who had been educated at Surleigh Secondary Modem. They wished to marry’, but Emma’s parents forbade the union.

“Dearest,” said Lady Funruly to her husband, “we are not allowing class considerations to influence our decision are we?’’

“Not at all, my dear,” said the Earl. “Young Erpworth is a capital fellow, and apart from the fact that he is neither titled, nor the chairman of an insurance company, he is my equal in every way. The sole reason I am opposed to the match is that Emma is only 29, and is not yet old enough to follow her heart in these matters."

One evening the Funrulys went to Fettucini’s. London’s best-known Italian restaurant. Another couple were ahead of them as they approached 4

Giuseppe, the head waiter. Recognising them, Giuseppe cried, “Ah, your lord and ladyship. Let-a me show you to the corner table-a.”

“Ang on a minute,” said the other man. “We was first.”

Giuseppe glared. “And who might I ask-a are you, sir?” he barked. “I am a plastic comb manufacturer from the Midlands,” said the man. Giuseppe rolled his eyes at the Funrulys, clicked his fingers, and two burly waiters flung the manufacturer and his wife out into the street.

“Thank-a goodness we have no class distinction in-a Britain,” said Giuseppe as he escorted the Funrulys to their table. “In Milan a person like-a that would have been seated before you.” The Funrulys shuddered. “Thank goodness,” they said, fervently.