RANDOM REMINDER

Press, Volume CXII, Issue 33095, 9 December 1972, Page 23

RANDOM REMINDER

THE BITER BIT In those far-off days before fluoride, toothbrush drill and school dental nurses it was a New Zealander’s destiny to part with his teeth and accept a mouthful of false (pronounced “fawlse,” please) teeth before a single hair had turned grey. Times have changed. Some men nowadays stubbornly retain their own teeth until they qualify for universal superannuation at least; and when they get their shining new mouthful to replace the eroded, stained and unlovely stumps that munched up some 50,000 meals for them they add insult to injury by vulgarly calling them “dentures.” That, however, is by the way, for today’s thrilling adventure concerns a Cashmere man who prided himself on retaining all his teeth at 50 years of age.

However, at 51 there was trouble. Several teeth were removed and a partial plate was fitted to fill the gaps. It was completed and fitted on the Friday before Labour week-end and our man left the dentist’s in a light frame of mind—though he has yet to see the bill. The plate was something of an intrusion in the mouth, but he persevered all day, occasionally lisping and drooling a little. He left work early and drove to Picton for a week-end fishing trip. But when he woke early next morning his mouth was rather sore. A sharp piece of detritus had lodged in a place inaccessible to finger, toothbrush or tongue. The plate would have to come out. But do you know, it wouldn’t. Cunning little wire clips hooked to the healthy teeth kept it locked in place. He poked,

he pulled. He filled his mouth with water and tried to sluice it out. It was as firm as Benmore. He sought assistance from his fishing companions. They reckoned it wouldn’t move, even if they used a 251 b strain line to tug it. The fishing trip was quite successful. The boat was well provisioned, the fish were hungry and our man celebrated well if unwisely. It may have been the provisions or again it may have been the pitching and roiling. Ip any event he found it necessary to spend an uncomfortable time at the rails. And when it was all over he felt immediate relief. The plate had gone. Should anyone hook a snapper with an extra row of teeth at Christmas we will be happy to supply the name and address of the rightful owner. However, there is no guarantee of reward.