Discipline Shared

Press, Volume CVIII, Issue 31658, 19 April 1968, Page 3

Discipline Shared

(From Out Own Reporter) TIMARU. The traditional role of a father as a stem authoritarian, ruling the home with a rod in one hand and a Bible in the other, had been replaced by a sharing of the responsibility by both parents, according to a panel discussion held recently at Timaru. The emphasis was now on understanding in the entire family, with each parent backing the other on disciplinary action, the panel agreed. About 200 parents and teachers—predominantly women—attended the meeting. The best way to deal with temper tantrums in the three-to-five age group was to take as little notice as possible, as many symptoms were quite normal, the meeting was told. It was part of the growingup process for children to tell lies and romanticise, but the parents should help the child to distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality, the panel agreed. Destructiveness On destructiveness as a symptom of frustration, the panel concurred that this frequently stemmed from basic anger.

There were ways of dealing with such outbursts, such as supplying the child with objects on which to vent its feelings—a hammer, nails and board, or stones to fling Into the river. Gradually, the child could be given a sense of values. It was felt that generally the country child had a better sense of values because it did not live in a highly-competi-tive environment, which gave rise to over-aggressiveness in children. Members of the panel considered it was quite normal for young children to steal, as they were unable to comprehend property ownership. Too often, parents were inclined to place their set of values on young shoulders. Disapproval must be shown and the child told that the article must be returned to its rightful owner and, eventually, the child gained a concept of ownership. The question: "What about straight-out lying for no apparent reason, with no fear of punishment?” was put to the panel. The parent should establish whether it was an isolated abnormality or part of a wider disturbance. There was no point in trying to “knocks it out” of the child, members said. Toilet training should not begin before the age of two years. Most parents were too

fussy about this, the panel maintained. Seriously disturbed children should not be sent to an ordinary kindergarten, but mothers with reservations as to a child’s behaviour could benefit by assisting at the kindergartens as mother-helps, it was affirmed. The panel included Mr B. G. Nelson (an Education Department psychologist), Mrs W. L. Haggitt (a junior classes' supervisee at Highfield School, Captain K. 1Hayes (manager of the Salvation Army Boys’ Home at Temuka), and a consultant psychiatrist, who was invited to comment on the relation between the size of a family and the nature of behaviour problems. Serious behaviour disorders, such as criminal tendencies, should be excluded from any such consideration, said members. In general, patterns did emerge: the oldest girl in a family of five could be assigned too many household chores and responsibilities and allowed too little recreation, and an only child could have certain problems through loneliness and over-indulgence by parents. Younger children were often neglected in a large family.