RANDOM REMINDER

Press, Volume CVI, Issue 31308, 2 March 1967, Page 24

RANDOM REMINDER

TIME AND TIDE

Give some people a suggestion you hope they will accept, and they seldom do. But offer advice you do not expect them to heed. . . . One New Year's Eve, in a West Coast hotel, the publican was serving whisky and milk to a group In his bar. They complained the milk was not fresh. Individually and collectively, they said it was on the turn, or a bit off, or last week’s. After a while, the publican suggested politely but firmly that if they wanted it any fresher, they should go and get a highlycoloured cow. A few minutes later, the patter of not so tiny feet could be heard above the noises of celebration. One of the whisky-and-milk

group solemnly entered the bar, leading a docile five-year-old Jersey. The publican was aghast but, remembering that he himself had given the advice, he maintained a commendable air of composure as Velvet Eyes was led across the room, her hips swaying to and fro in the manner of a rheumatic go-go dancer. Whisky was served, and the glasses held beneath the source of supply to receive the required number of squirts for a reasonable milk additive. The publican was the target for some light-hearted comments, but he found that the whisky sales began to

mount rapidly, so happily rang out the old year on his cash register. Velvet Eyes, however, did not share the general feeling

of bonhomie. She clearly disliked the strange environment. She had nothing in common w>.> the herd: she did not drink, or smoke, or tai*about the races. Worse, she had to suffer the indignity of being pulled about by hands inexperienced in the gentle art of milking. She broke up the party with a dramatic protest Perhaps it was unladylike, and it was decidedly unhygienic, and the fact that the bar floor sloped towards the hall carpet did nothing to improve cowpublican relations. But the evening was really made by the sight of the publican, armed with a mop, making a strenuous and unavailing attempt to defeat the effects of one of the primary laws of physics.,