GAUDEAMUS

Press, Volume CIV, Issue 30811, 24 July 1965, Page 14

GAUDEAMUS

IB V

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The University Grants Committee now had clear and reliable patterns of space requirements for any student In any faculty, so that it would now tend to speak of square-foot needs in long term planning rather than of new schools and departments. ... In the next 15 years we have to complete more than 5,000,000 square feet of buildings . . . annual cost of producing a graduate would exceed £lOOO. . . .—Dr. F .1 Llewellyn, chairman of University Grants Committee. We don’t talk any More about new Schools, Medicine or Literature, we’re not such Fools. Ours is a Sphere where the Computer rules. Don’t bother Us with Sciences, Humanities, The Arts, the Law, all These are mere Profanities. Ours is a higher Plane, where We can plan at Ease. We’ve got your Square-foot Needs per Annum plotted. The Student yet Unborn has been allotted His Bench, his Books (unwritten and unswotted). Our Space Requirement Patterns have been checked To the nearest Cubic Inch of Intellect. We don’t PREDICT the Future. We DIRECT. Welcome aboard the Time Machine—hold tight! Fasten your Safety Belts, we’re gaining Height. It’s First Stop 1980, on this Flight. Away back There, in 1965, Poor cloddish Plodders dream that they’re Alive— Even that the Goals are Real, for which They ’ strive! Bring me my Crystal Ball, Sir! I can’t wait— These Things take far too Long to calculate— The Year 2000 is MY favourite Date: It’s the Uncertainty that gives me Pain, Forty Years on. Ah, could I see Them plain. The Exact Square-footage, AND the Cost per Brain!