... Of Many Things

Press, Volume XCIII, Issue 28008, 30 June 1956, Page 8

... Of Many Things

IN the controversy developing between the Meat Board’s chairman and those who support the gradual whittling away of the Ottawa Agreement Mr J. D. Ormond is certain, sooner or later, to be accused of talking through his G.A.T.T.

AfARILYN Monroe's prospective husband, the playwright. Arthur Miller, has been given 10 days to save himself from prosecution for contempt of Congress—on the ground that he refused to answer an investigating sub-committee’s questions. If he does come to trial, he may have a readymade defence. He could say the Congressmen were jealous.

r rHE Walrus biscuit for the worst -L word of the week is awarded to a gentleman connected with the New Zeaiana Players. In a circular about the latest production. “Salad Days.’’ he refers to the “humability” of the music.

npHERE is a farmer not far from -*• Christchurch who says the biggest thieves in Canterbury are not all behind bars at Paparua. And he also believes in mind reading. To provide early spring feed for his ewes and lambs at foot he planted a paddock in Italian ryegrass and Algerian oats. He sowed two and a half bushels of oats to the acre at a cost of £45. A few weeks ago his wife, doing some advanced spring cleaning, induced him to sell an old single-barrel shotgun. He sold the gun in town and returned home. But the rooks had heard the news. An army of them descended on the paddock, working steadily up one row and down the other. They were kind enough to leave half a bushel of oats.

rpHERE must be something in the country air to keep a girl young. The Walrus notes that girls who belong to the New Zealand Federation of Country Girls’ Clubs can remain girls until they are 30. But the annual conference was not bold enough to accept a suggestion that a girl is a girl until she is 35.

A MONG by-products of sugar cane are rum and aspirin. A report in “The Press’’ this week did not mention the possibilities of a new brand o- loaf sugar suggested to The Walrus. It could eliminate rum bottles and the need to buy aspirin for a hangover.

A Yorkshireman does not bet idly—or wildly. At Lord’s this week one “Yorkie” was confident Trueman an I Bailey would skittle the Australians. When challenged by an Australian supporter he bet that six wickets would fall before stumps. Six wickets fell—Sir Leonard Hutton collected his shilling.

TAN a frosty morning this week the building contractor strolled on to the job. One workman, a dour Scot, not long in Christchurch, was flailing his body with his arms to get warm. “How do you like these parts, Jock?” asked the contractor. “No so bad.” replied Jock. “But next time you want some immigrants for your job ask for some ruddy Eskimos.”

tTERE is one way to escape controversy about putting a road through Hagley Park to provide a new outlet from Riccarton. Mr L. C. Walker would avoid affronting the pioneers by building an overbridge across the park.

T IKE musicians, professors, jockeys and many others, Rugby players do not always have uppermost in mind th? business in hand. At Lancaster Park last Saturday, Albion drove Technical Old Boys down to a line-out two yards from the south-eastern corner. Several portable radio sets in No. 4 stand were giving the few spectators a commentary on the SpringbokWellington game. “What’s the score?” asked the two sets of forwards before they lined up.

TNCIDENTAL intelligence. Christchurch has more than one lubritorium, and now the existence of a giftorium has been reported to The Walrus. He is hopefully waiting to hear of a piscatorium.

rpHERE was a letter for The Walrus in the mail this week. Gordon Macauley, the Mossburn Izaak Walton, who was mentioned in O.M.T. early this month, has been fishing again.

“I have hooked and landed many kinds of fish in my day, including swordfish,” he says. “But now having hooked a walrus, just how the heck I am going to land him has got me worried. Gaff or net (which I do not use) would be useless in dealing with such a gentleman. Therefore I am afraid I shall have no option but to resort to ancient methods and use a harpoon. On second thoughts, by the use of a harpoon I might damage the carcase and loose a lot of oil that may be useful for dry fly dressing.”

A DVERTISERS of electric razors in Christchurch have overlooked two of their advantages. They cannot be used in street fights, as in London, nor can wives borrow them to cut linoleum or sharpen pencils.

[PRUNES are getting short, according to the grocery correspondent Once upon a time, no matter how young a prune might be, it was always full of wrinkles. But perhaps the song of the prune has been forgotten.

HTHAI a price we pay for cars. Here ’ ’ is a list, arranged alphabetically, of troubles attributable to them, as reported in the news. Accidents, breakdowns. crisis (in Britain), decreased production, excessive speed. foreign competition, German domination. Hagley Park encroachment, intoxicated in charge of, jams (traffic), king pins (faulty), licensing, mergers (of car companies), number plates, oil company sale controversy, parking patrols, registration. short-time working, traffic offences, unemployment, vehicular ferry controversy, waiting lists. There may be something doing in x. y. and z next week.

were once made of sterner v stuff than the Oxford student who tried to drive 55 miles fom London to Oxford with a mashie this week and stopped 27 miles short. In 1913 T. H. Olyer played a 35-mile hole in Britain, taking three days and holing out in 1087 He won £5, lost 17 balls, and used seven caddies. In 1929 two Americans played over 36J miles in 13hr 4min. losing 22 balls and tiring out eight caddies. One took 780 strokes and the other 825.

A RTHUR Jandy, the French musical clown, now in Christchurch, takes less than 20 minutes to make a clown of himself for the stage. Some of our politicians can make clowns of themselves in far less time than that. —The Walrus