IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Press, Volume LXIII, Issue 12933, 12 October 1907, Page 7

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Mistress: "Bridget, hare you cemented the handlo on to the water-jug which you dropt yesterday P" Bridget: "'I started to. Mum. but I diropt the cement bottle."—"Punch." If your wife keeps' you puzeled and 'guessing, ,',,'. And. instead of a comfort, and blessing, Proves a grievance, don't frown, But buy her a gown— The grievance, no doubt, needs redreeeing. —"Harper's Weekly."' "A man is in tho etreet threatening to shoot mc. Whet shall I do?" asked on excited applicant at a police court' the other day. The magistrate rose u> the occasion. "Write to the Excise authorities and see- if he hae a license to carry a gun,' , he said. Such cooln<«s and reeonirco deserve (rays the "Tribiino") to rank with that of the captain on the field of battle who. on being told that the ammunition had run out. at once gave the order to cease firing. Somebody - broke open tie eafo of » Joplin laundry the other night. The pxact time of the robbery is not known, but the "Joplin Times" estimates thot it was "come time between the lowering of night's sable mantle and the lifting of the purp'.e veil that heralds the approach of roej dawn.—"Kaneat. City Journal. ,, A LIGnT COMEDY PART. It was a graceful little scene, and seemed somehow to brighten the sordid street. The two old: ladies had not met for many months, co their pleaenre was goods to see, and their embrace* frequent and effusive. "What , * yer son Billy doin' new, Mrs Smith P" asked the first after a time. •He's on the stage," the other answered. "He's a light comedian." "A light comedian P ejaculated the other dame interestedly. "What part does he playP" "Well,' wee Mr* Smith's reply, "he plays a silent part behind a black curtain, with hie mouth to a hole close to a kcaadk), and! when one of the other actors shoot* at tho candle Willie blow* it out." MODEST~TOMMY. The camel has nine stomachs— I heard it at the Zoo. Now, wouldn't I be tiappy If I had only two! Oh. ye*, I'd brim -with gladnew, And call my life a dream. With one for just rtoaet turkey, And on* for just ice-cream. —"Puck."