IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Press, Volume LXIII, Issue 12867, 27 July 1907, Page 7

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Beginner at Golf.—"How many hare I taken, my boyP Is it fifteen or sixteen P" Disgusted Caddie.—"Ach, I dinna ken. It's nt/ a caddie ye need—it's a billiard marker."

Tooling Down to Epsom.—Coachy (to srorteman with shoe-clicking trotter): — " 'Ullo, 'Ammer-and-pinoers !*• Sportsman with trotter:—"'Ullo, Screwdriver !"

The patience of the starter was nearly exhausted. "Bring up that horse!" he shouted. "Bring him up!" The rider of the refractory beast, a j-outhful Cockney, jelled back, "I can't I This here'a been a oab horse, and he won't start till he hears the door shut, an' I ain't got no door!"

In our esteemed oontemporary, the "Ozark Republican," of Missouri, the editor brings home the weight it editorial cares to his readers with touching dignity:—"Owing to the faci. tiiat wo write our editorials on Tue, day ovening, and were called home by th© urgent illness of our rabbit dog, our editorial column this week is shorter than ordinary."

It was at a full meeting of the women's club, and an important diecuasion was on. In the midst of it, one woman rose, and asked the privilege of the floor for a moment. It was granted, and, in a voice strained with euiotion, she said, "Is there a Christian Scientist present?" A woman arrayed with laborious magnificent** arose on the other side of the room, and, in a etately tone of kindness, eaid, "I am a Christian Scientist/ Then across the intervening epace the first woman's 6weet voice said, "Would you mind changing seate with mc? lam sitting in a draught." IF PA WAS KING OF SPAIN. We've got a bran' new ba-by, too, An' pa h« hoe to keep Awake at n'ieht unit id the new One wants to go to sleep. It crioe, it docs! It yells an' screame With all its might an , mam, An' pa says he'd have pleasatnt dreams If he was King of Spain. If he was King of Spain, pa eaye, He'd si*t upon his throne. An 'folks would tremible in his gaze An' leave him all alone. An' he'd have ministers to come An' play games for tie kid, Aji' soldiers to play on tibe dtum An' shake up old Madrid. Why, pa says kings don*t hare to rise At 1 o'clock A. M.. Although the head uneasy lies In crown or diadem— But kings just hong their crowns somewhere An , tumble off to tAeep, Their royal garments on a chair Or piled up in a heap. An' pa rays kinge don't have to ohaee To drug stores in the nighffc To get eomfl oaregonic quick To set the baby right— They Juet wa.k« i?p a c!ik<» or earl An' make them rook the crib Or twist the baby's hair in curl Or tnck its little biT>. An' every night while **iy pa wtdks All up an' down the floor, Ho t*lks an' talks on' ta-liks an' ta>lks, An' snys it makes him sore BocatiFe the common people must Hope on an' hone in vain— He'd give a lot, he mutters, just To be the King of Spain. —"ChLcaeo Poetf."

WOMAN'S WORLD.

SOCIETY'S JEWELS. (From "M.A.P.") . Riches can be displayed an many ways—by houses, servant*, plate, and furniture; by motors, horses, yachts, snd opera boxes: but tho wealth of London is never better shown than by the jewels of its women. We will not now allud© to the Regalia, nor to the almost priceless gems owned by Quf*n Alexandra and the Princess of «»!<>?. but will deal only with the splendid j jewels that belong to Society women of rank and position. In days of old, tiaras were worn only by "Royal ladies, by the wives of wealthy peers, and by ambassadresses. But now, tiaras—and even crowns of diamonds—aro the rul© and not the exception. The story goes that a woman who had returned to London, after a few years absence, said that the change which struck her most was the fact that, nowadays a girl married mi £600 a year and a diamond tiara. In fact, the tiara habit is on the increase. Th© Duchess of Portland owns a splendid crown, with, in front, a big square stone, known as the Portland diamond, and said to be worth £10,000. Ihe Duchess of Westminster has tne "Neska" jewel, a triangular gem, the size of a florin; and another famous single diamond is the "Star of South Africa," that now belongs to i-sav Dudley. The Duchess of Roxburgh possosses a 6ne tiara in turquoises and diamonds, and tho Duchess oi Sutherland has an historic crown that was worn by a beautiful predecessor, Harriet Duchess of Sutherland. Pearls aro now more precious than diamonds, and during the last twenty veers their value has incrensed »**£© rate of a thousand per cent. The Duchess of Marlborough's pearls have supplied much "copy.' so it is enough to say that several of them ere worth more than a thousand pounds apiece, and that they once belonged to Marie Antoinette. Among the finest pearls in London aro the five-row necklacos of Lady Lansdowne and Lady Cork, th© three-row necklace of Lady Iveagh, Lady de Grey's one-row of hug© pearls, Lady Rothschild's two rows of picked pearls, end the splendid rope owned by Lady Penman that is said to be worth £60.000. Victoria Lady xarborough has several rows of pearls, the size of walnuts, that many years ago were bought for £5000, but are now valued at about £30,000; and Lady Waterford owns a one-row necklace, once worn by Mary Queen of Scots, and given by her, before her execution, to Lady Mary Hamilton. Black pearls are an exotic jewel, with a price in oroportion. These have two lustres, ? grey and a green, the latter being by far tho most precious. Mary Duchess of Hamilton has one row of pear-shaped black pearls, said to be £crth £50,000; the Dowager Lady Ilohester owns a necklace of black valued at £80,000 l tbgt wes o7ce the property of the Bmpwu Eugenic; Mrs Spender Clay has • priceless necklace tU belonged to her mother, the late Mrs Aster; end Mrs John Mackay possesses a pair of black pearl earrings that -L 0 f/°,'^ black _ Towels are now as plentnui as mac* berries hut* some Society women own ornaments i!, k t haw .he .-liarui of .iricfnalitv A few of us make a cult of farf-cofoured pearls and Mrs William James has an exquisite tiara of pink pearls and diamonds. Miss Van A'art often wears a singlerow necklace of large pearls m many colours— grey, black, pink, mauve, brown and yellow; whfte pearlsi are, the only ones not represented. Then some of us go in for diamonds "different shades of colouring, such as blue, black, red, and dulli green..Lady Crawford owns splendid brooches ot coloured diamonds, which are said to be worth £1000 apiece. Lady Margaret Campbell has a comb in blue, pink, and black diamonds; and Mrs Ronald Greville has a complete set of the last-named variety. Lady Beatrice Herbert, wife of Lord Herbert, owns an unique jewel in the form of mi Indian necklace, given her by H.Ji. Aga Khan. This collar, made by native workers, has a straight hand of wrought gold-work, thickly studded with precions stones of every description. These include rubies, emeralds, opals, sapphires, amethysts, turquoises, white, black, and pink pearls, and red green, blue, and black diamonds. Lady Carew has an historic ruby, nnont, pear-shaped, and engraved with Persian characters; and the Dowager Lady Wharncliffe owns an enormous turquoise, which is also engraved with Eastern lettering. Mrs Clarence Mackay possesses some Egyptian jewels of great value and antiquity; and.Mrs St. John Brodrick has a weird cornelian necklace 3000 years old, taken from a mummy, and given her by Sir John 'Murray Scott. Then somo of our well-known women go in for a special form of ornament. For example, diamond belts aro worn by the Duchesses of Buccleuch and Marlborough; and Princess Henry of Pless, the Duchess of Roxburgh, and Mrs Ivor Guest have gone in strong for diamond shoulder-straps. Among other unique iewels may be mentioned Lady Claud Hamilton's big turquoise butterfly; a large diamond feather worn by Mrs Arthur Wilson: a huge diamond sun that belongs to Lady Crossley; Mrs John Mackay's string of. Brazilian diamonds, two yards in length, and a true lover's knot in fine diamonds owned hy the Duchess of Newcastle.