SPOILED HUSBANDS—AND WIVES.

Press, Volume LXI, Issue 12015, 17 October 1904, Page 2

SPOILED HUSBANDS—AND WIVES .

' . BT"HrrA" (Author of " Seals,-* •• Tha Jsstsrs," Ac. A good husband is "born not made," even aa is the .poet, and like most good' things be is rare.' Unfortunately, too, be is seldom successfully mated. Any observant -looker-on at the domestic unitks will have noticed thai an exemplary, patient and moral man is invariably attached to a shrewish, impetuous, and exacting woman. That one of high intellectual gifts has for a mate's foolish or worldly-minded person to whom the material things of life appeal more than the intellectual. Again, a modest and contented disposition is frequently allied to a restless and ambitious one, thus seemm<r to prove that man and woman are fcttracteil by the. very opposite qualities to those they individually possess. Marriage is a veritable lottery. Its prizes are few in comparison with its blanks. The poetic theory of the twin eoula rarely outlasts the engagement stage. Every week of every month of the firstyear of marriage is a stage of disillusion — an attempt to re-adjust ideals and ideas to the hard, cold prose of every-day existence, to reconcile the devoted, patient, all perfect lover to the mere ordinary man, who fl;es into an ordinary human rage if breakfast is late—if his razor has proved inefficient—or his morning paper is not on tho table, and bills —ore! Divided by a great gulf indeed are the romance and passion of love from the commonplace exactions of marriage. WHEN THE YOKE GALLS. It is liard to believe, but it. is a fact. Therefore to ensure something like content and happiness in the marriage state it is better to choose a companion whose tastes and temper suit your own; who has something better than mere personal charm, or physical beauty, on which to depend. There are some fitted by nature to bear the yoke of matrimony, and there are others to whom it never can end never will be anything but a yolie-wi burden—a harass —an irritant. From the first moment they realise bondage instead of freedom, exactions and obligations instead of latitude, they grow rc*tive, and their wives have a bad time of it. Tlie wise woman recognises this pense of restiyeness, and instead of opposing, yields to it as far as possible It is not so much a question of the latchkey and the club as ib is of noninterference with certain habits that have become second nature —the ceasing to impose restrictions when they chafe and annoy and are really not required. It would be well for women to remember that men in their ante-married state have been accustomed to perfect freedom; a certain lawless liberty of action. They carrot at onoo give up their habits—and this sense of freedom. And, indeed, why should they bo expected to do so? Taken sensibly and with good humour, the socalled ""liberty" often shows iteelf very harmless., if it is not intcrefered with. Above all, it enables a'woman to demand the same for herself. She recognises that her husband has a life apart from the dual obligations of marriage—-and .by Mich recognition renders homo a pleasant, retreat— an agreeable interlude. Such a wife proves herself a good comrade—and an intelligent companion, and as the years go on they bring hera rich reward. It is not unusual to hear one woman say to another "Oh! you spoil your husband! I' wouldn't-let mine do such i and such a.thing!" Such a remark is sufficient guarantee of that household. It-is eloquent of hen-pecking, squabbles—disagreements, and—most vital of all—the struggle for mastery which too often embitters home-life, and estranges heart* that once vowed love, honour, and truth to- each other. "• THE BIT, THE CURB* THE BEARING REIN. There are many men who are spoilt as husbands by the mere fact of being tied down to discipline and bondage. There are others who are" all the better for being i uken in-hand by a strong and capable wife, ."and taught the true meaning of duty and 'responsibility. But with that curious evidence of some marplot at work with human fate, rarely do these cases unite. The husband who requires managing invariably falls to tho lot of the one woman in the world incapable'of understanding hisneccsH ity—and the man who has no talent for domestic life or need of it, taken to himself a shrew or a fury who makes of that life a hideous travesty of what it ought to be* nnd would be in different and more capable hands! ' " The extraordinary number of ill-matched couples one daily meets, makes one wonder where the real attraction of marriage lies? What sudden and injudicious frenzy induces people to rush into an alliance that— !in a very few years—proves to be unsuitable. _How is it they are so blind before— «» keen-sighted afterwards? And why, also, is it that a woman is so unutterably foolish as not to appreciate a man who has burdened himself with her welfare and support, when he might be a free-and-easy and irresponsible bachelor! Who is kind— and good-tempered-and generous—but, who has a few human faults as well—and does not appreciate their perpetual recapitulation. Why do co many women spoil men even as they spoil horses by too lavish use of spur and whip and bearing rein? r Why do they exact so much, and yet show so little gratitude for what needs no exaction! The pr.rverb says "A young man married is a man tliat-'s. marred," and in nine cases out of fen this is true, for too often a young man marries in" haste and in hot-headed passion the very woman who ,n later years ,he would.never dream of making his wife. Again in early marriages, the young man •invariably gives in to his wife in everything. Thus —when years of sense and disillusion come upon him, he is bound hand and foot. A weak slave to an unsparing tyrant—who never can be brought-to recognise her tyranny, but' takes rule as her right und is never happier than when making the man she'should honour appear a fool in the eyes of her friends. Here, indeed, is a spoiled husband who will never perhaps get a chance of proving what frit is rcnlly in his nature—and would aye shown itself • under different circurartances. IHE MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE, But as there are many husbands spoiled by tyranny and selfishness, po there are also numbers ruined by weakness, overretting, and over-consideration; to whom the wife is an abject slave—a creature to vse and abuse as the fancy takes them — the servile miniftrant to domertic comfort —a part of tlie goods and chattels cf the hpfcse; never considered, never appreciated. ! nnd only missed because of her uses. Men of this dippositkra merely marry for their | own convenience. They are incapable of b true, unselfish devotion, and the more .a woman yield* the more they exact. It i* an odd f-int that their wives never seem to realiw the actual selfishness of.'.such husbands as these, but are quite content to slave for them, pamper them, stuoy their every.wish and martyrise owq bodies and souls in an unthankful service. If the dance of life could only bring about a change of partners as does the last figure of the Lancers, what a delightful and uncxjiected readjustment of evils there would be! The mild, tweet-tempered man.might secure the gentle, self-sacrificing wife ot the tyrant! The shrewish, imperative.woman would find herself confronted by the exacting and" selfish Benedict..:- Intellect— and mental appreciation of its possessor, might'clasp hands.in'blissful content. Brilr liance and homeliness —wit and beauty— purity and chivalry—meet on neutral ground and take each their m*ed of human favour and comprehension. For it is just the lack of comprehension that spoils so many lives; , The inability to understand; to be patient with faults and kind to .virtues- '' '•> Tho tmpardonable offence of a blow tc vanity—a sneer at d*fect«—personal or mental, has created wider havoc amongst the domesticities of life "than: even; illusage. A woman is too often fed on fiatteries by the lover to pardon the blunt truths of the husband. She cannot under-

stand'that having once been perfect in his eyes, "she should ever cease to possess perfection. His one unpardonable sin is committed when he points out her defects in* stead of magnifying her ■ goodBut, indeed, moot men' are equally vjtin with respect to their . own v .virtuets-—and just as susceptible to flattery a"s a woman. There is, however,, this difference between their relative positions in life. -A nian mixes with his ieliow man. early "enough to gauge his own worth by their approval. If his vanity or his weakness, or his personal belief in himself are flattered by undue appreciation from his wife, his content is often rudely disturbed by the harsher criticism of his fellows. In the rough and tumble, battle of life there is an excellent damping ground for conceit v Has a man gifta of person-lability— ness capacity—shrewdness—jven genius, to have others—many others. Let no man say to himself his place in the world can never "be filled, his mark, on it 3 crowded pages never* obb'terated. "That; which hath/ been ehall be," pays the.,,wiw preacher. Clear brains—wise minds— noble virtues—cunning discoveries of Scienoe—the, achievements of Art—all have been even as all-shall:' be. SWiat is new under <thfi sun? Only, the in. dividual belief born anew in each newborn human, soul. Only the conviction that love, marriage. «uccfss, hcr-our, or wealth, w to each fresh claimant a more potent factor in the making of happiness than to any* previous human entity. ; , TACT AND SYMPATHY. ,- j The paths of Fate are narrow, and circumscribed. If two people choos© 'one path and expect to walk abreast-they speedily discover'its limits. One of i the twain must be pushed aside,' or give place, or be left behind in tlie; march. Sometimes the separation" is but .temporary; But very often? it is long/and lasting; bred of disagreement and intolerance; the . escape of a prisoner eager for not the temporary, giving place to a companion ofHhe roid. :-y'.y'yiyJ' : {-.% Alas! that, as tho result ol selection, • such cOnipanioßship should be ao'-rars! That married life is too often a patched—or -harmful etate and condition, instead of an'evidence of happy union. That love so seldom mates with compre hension, of; itself.; Of ;■ its infinite possibilities, desires, and exactions. That ever genius Of -high order has left records soi miserable, husbands—«ad misunderstood wives! And.this because tact.and| pathy and comprehension have been Jack i big in either nature; for apart.-even- frbn • love and devotion these qualities are' ol ; inestimable-:value. : ,lf .they were* joined • to the love or devotion, perhaps the mar riago vstate would become too perfect foi ; mere ordinary humanity! Something ■a) ■ once nnspoiWble and unspoilt*"-•■' 'y~ '."i 'y t : : ' :