THE GREAT MOGGINS-BUMP MATCH.

Press, Volume LIX, Issue 11244, 9 April 1902, Page 10

THE GREAT MOGGINS-BUMP MATCH.

Dx Edwis h. Sabix. • One June morning Greenwood, nestling ; cosily in the valley between two long rows of happy hills, awoke to tind the goit fever ; in its very midst. Bart Renther had , ar- ' rived from college, and on him rested the responsibility for the mnludy. From the ' moment at whrfo the community; was ex- j posed to Hart practising his stroke on the ; liiwn of Ms home, Greenwood surrendered ; without a struggle. The residents saw, j heard, and were conquered. i So wriousiy did the inoculation take that ■ the Greemwiod Golf Club was formed right speedily. 'Hie course was located on a ctrvtcli of jj.u-iure-laiid, with a multitude of cuppy lies (where the cows had steppea), iincl plenty of natural hazards and a host <>f improvement* —promised. j Tlif owner of the pasture was Major i Bump>:—Adrian Bump* — a stout, round, ; rosy-u-ci'd little bachelor, who, with the ; assistance of a sit of cotton-batting whis- ; ktrs, would make an excellent Santa Clans. ' The major's hobby was exercise. His aversion was age—age and fatness. But not- ! withstanding tliat by a gonial disposition | and a good digestion he managed to postpone the one, all the hvgicnic movements und ail the patent health machines within his knowledge seemed to have not the slightest effect on his avoirdupois. * *r>l f appeared to offer to him a new field of experiment. As a lover of exercise, and ua a young psrson \v r no ha.d a reputation for activity to sustain, the major was foremost in getting up an organisation. He donated the land, f-victing the cattle with scant cpiemony. He sent for a full outtit of clubs, and bad them on exhibition long in advance of th« tardy and cautious storekeepers. His golting clothes were ordered from his city tailor (the major was somewhat of a boau) and came to hand a few days after his clubs. They were so tight—oh, so tight—like all his gamunU*, for he wns perpetually , convinced that he was about to grow thinner, and in his blind anticipation he insisted on reducing his measures to the last degree compatible with safety and decorum. Xot alone with the male contingent of the Greenwood population did the golf ftver have to do. Bless your heart, no! Did golf act in that way, it would be a very unwelcome attack. "We have enough thiiie-s, like football nnd baseball, to ! which men only are eligible. Golf, like love, is a most agreeable condition, precisely because it includes the two sexes. Leafier in golf enthusiasm among the Greenwood women was Mrs Susan Moggins—not a. pretty name, but the name belies her. Dickens himself never sketched a tighter, buxomer, fresheT, more adorable piece of widowhood than was represented in the person of Susan Moggins—nee Jewett. Like the major, she was plump—but what delicious plumpness! Unlike the major, she feared not age. for age had not yet approached her. Between heTself and the ma- I jor existed a state of affairs rather more than acquaintanceship, rather less than acknowledged attachment; in fact, ostentatiously a situation of entente cordiale, with gallant, impressionable forty on the one side and coy and skilled thirty-three on the other.

, For some months the village had been watching developments in this quarter; but it had waited, gossipped, and wondered to no end. To no end, so far as he could descry, had the ardent major borne with the espionage of curious eyes and tongues, burned out his heart o' nights while tossing on his uneasy couch, and spent money, time, and wit in "besieging the widow's staunch entrenchments. Yet of his ultimate success he had not a doubt. He possessed a confidence at once overweening and misguiding. . So prodigi- ! ously vain was he that he vowed that no woman ever could "manage" him! Egad, eir, he knew the ropes. He might run after her for a space, but eventually he would run her! ' As to the widow, suffice it to cay that five years had passed since the departure of her first. a nd fo-day she was not averse to a second. - But now she was conscious of her worth, and the prospective investor must pay in advance in patience and supplication. .. - . When Susan Moggine beheld the major xn his new golfing clothes, she bit her lip, but she did not laugh. The major failed to comprehend; yet all unawares he had scored, for had ahe been careless of him she would not have evaded shocking hie vanity- And truly the major, with hie chubby calves .moulded in checked' plaid, his smooth knickerbockers filled to bursting, his roUy-polly body encased like a sausage in his short coat, his natty little cap cocked over Ms head like the stem on an apple, was a right to challenge the risibilities of gods and men. Mrs Moggins, being a. goddess! and a wo- ■ mail, merely soberly talked golf while he was present, and laughed (to herself) when ■he had gone. And that hour she decided to capitulate. The major evidently needed a .counsellor, and her motherly heart warmed toward him. . ' . . Of course Mrs Moggine was a. constant attendant at the links. She enjoyed the game. Her suit was vastly fetching (it takes a young widow to wear clothes to perfection!), and speedily ehe became a really good golfer. She was greatly superior to her faithful escort, the major, who, while corpu- ' lent, furthermore was quite near-sighted, ' yet repudiated glasses. ' One afternoon tlie widonr and the major on arriving at the links,, found themselves the only players there, which was.unex- , pected. , \-' ', _ "We seem to hare the grounds to our- . selves," remarked tire nuMor. "Shall we jno ahead, or sEall we wait, a little for a foursome , " "Oh, Jet's go ahead," suggested the widow. "We , !! play a twosome, if you like."

"But, my dear madam, a woman against a man? It's hardly even, you,know,"- objected the courteous major, with an honest belief in his own precedence. "Hadn't we better ploy a round for practice? Or, may I not De suitably handicapped—say, two strokes ft hole?" " The widow flushed, but replied, demurely» 1 "No, indeed! I don't care if lam beaten. I challenge you, even! There!" "And for stakes?" asked the major suavely, x with an old-fashioned bow. "Wliat you will," said the widow. And . she looked him straight in the eye. "I accept.' 2 accept!" exclaimed .the delighted major, with suspicious readiness. "And is it necessary to mention the stakes— now?" ho added meaningly. "N-n-no—it isn't," admitted tie widow, with a blush. "Only, I warn you I've mode the course in sixty-nine." "Ah," murmured tlw major, politely agreeing. "These women. , " he thought, "How* they do hoodwink tliemeelves sometimes at golf! What,ateminor matters, such m rules, to them, when they want to get out of a hasard, for instance! Tut, tut!"

"What caddie would'you prefer?" heanquired, indicating a group scanning them expectantly from the teeing ground. "Let's not have caddies," she coaxed, almost pleadingly. "They're a nuisance, and we can caddie for each other, can't we?" "Certainly we can!" affirmed the major heartily. "My dear Mrs Moggine, I wish. I. could always caddie for you."" Hβ placed his left band on the front of his tight waistcoat and bowed again "Fiddlesticks!" remonstrated;tJi«;widow. Thtn, pensively: "One man undertook that task—once—and within a year he had grown so tired of it that he complained when I sent htm after a tiny yeastcake!" "But he was a " out of delicacy for liis companion's feelings, voiced ,t not. He stopped ehort. swelling deoded s,ie U ce was the better part of con-

&hall I relate In detail the phtvs of the memorable match? Need I tSl'iw the major took the eecond hole, and with it renewed hfe-and lost the third? Need I describe how he toiled and puffed, and swore under his breath, and topped and sliced and mrssed. and was now on the pinnacle of high hope, now in the abyss of gr»m despair? Need I narrate how, instead of them watching each other's ball the widow watched for both of them—the major, with his blunt vision, never eeeing her drives at all and rarely his own? Need I? No, I seed not. I will state, briefly,

that at the eighth hole they, vere even, and that by just one stroke the major, trembling with fearful eagerness, gained the ninth hole—and the match! ! What happened then? Oh, bufc-BO caddie ' was about, to tell. • ■• Still, this fact may be made public: ' That as they homeward in the major's cart, tie major vaunt- ! ingiy, quite beamingly, and very compla--1 centlv * ! "Darling. I knew I should do it. But ; I might have beaten you much worse had j I not been so nervous. The stake was tre- ! znendous!" , , , ~ : "You old goose!" responded the widow, giving his ami a loving squeeze, Don t you know that half the time you were play- : In" my ball and I was playing yours? Why, you sill y> conceited thmg, you couldn't have won a single hole if I had I kept you to your own ball all through! i -What!" ejaculated the major, aghast, i "Well you don't object, do you? asked \ the widow naively, seeming to enjoy the ; major's discomfiture. • But the major was silent. And to this '■ hour the village will bear attest.that the > upper hand thus demonstrated with such j rare tact by Susan Hoggins, as Mrs Bumps i she ever retained.