THE WORRY OF EYEGLASSES.

Press, Volume LV, Issue 10042, 21 May 1898, Page 9

THE WORRY OF EYEGLASSES.

W. L. Alden, in Pkarson's Magazine. When a man is so unfortunate as to be compelled to pat on glasses, a new world of worry opens to him. Both spectacles and eye-glasses of all sorts are unquestionably the shyesb objects in existence. In this respect they surpass matches, and even tackhammers. The late Sir Isaac Newton calculated that the chances that a pair of spectacles, if laid on a table or a shelf, would be found in the same place ten minutes later, were less than two in a hundred. The moment spectacles are left alone they seek concealment, and such is their cunning that they select with unerring instinct places of concealment in which they are least likely to be disturbed. There is the authentic case of the man who, when dining, laid his spectacles by the side of his plate, and after a prolonged search found them towards the end of the evening at the bottom of the soup tureen. There is also the equally well authenticated case of another man who was willing to swear that he had placed his spectacles in his right hand breast pocket, from which they almost immediately disappeared, to be found two days later in the hand-bag of his widowed sister. If a man possesses only one pair of glasses, he spends from an eighth to a fifth of his waking hours in searching for them. This is the reason why the hair of persons of either sex who wear glasses i» invariably grey. In the case of those unhappy people who require two distinct pairs of glasses, one for reading and the other for seeing things at a distance, the hair is either snow white, or has completely disappeared. There are thousands of men and women who endeavour to provide against the certainty of the frequent disappearance of their spectacles, by owning an extra pair. I know a man who, being compelled to keep two different kinds of glasses—one pair with which to read, and the other with which to observe girls on bicycles—has suffered so severely from mislaying them that he has furnished himself with, three pairs of each kind, making six pairs in all. The only result has been that he never, under any circumstances, can find the pair that he requires. ... As a further proof of the uselessness of the attempt to get the better of the elusive habits of it should be mentioned that this same man provided himself with a Socket in the inside of his coat, designed to old spectacles and nothing else. More than half the time this pocket is not only devoid of spectacles, but is filled with pencils, cigars, and other things which are in no way an aid to vision. It may be safely said that it is a mistake to own a single pair of extra glasses. Two pairs conceal themselves more effectually, if possible, than one pair. Probably they connive together to outwit the tyrant man. At any rate, my friend with the six pairs frequently loses the whole of them simultaneously. Those who have had experience of the uproar that the [ attempt to find a single pair of missing i glasses brings into a household, may faintly imagine Tdiat is the state of that household [ in w&ich the entire family is simultaneously I searching for six pairs 01 lost spectacles. The plan of making one's glasses fast to ,' the buttonhole with a string only results in > catching the glasses on doorknobs and other projecting articles, and in the consequent ; breaking of both string and glasses. The •'only way in which a man can make sure of .not fosing his spectacles is by never removing them from his nose, .this, however, 'liasats inconveniences. To wash one's face safcefactorirv while wealing spectacles is vevy difficult, and to sleep hi them might gi/rc the intruding midnight burglar a shock v/hich would prove fatal, and so bring the •spectacle-wearer into difficulties with some /stern magistrate determined to uphold the ' rights of burglars. Moreover, a pince-nez or a monocle cannot possibly be worn at night. The loss of glasses is one of those things which is inevitable, and over which, according to the advice of self-conceited and shallow men, we should abstain from worrying. As if the very fact that an evil is inevitable did not constitute the very best possible reason for worrying.