THE CONTRIBUTOR.

Press, Volume XLIV, Issue 6903, 8 November 1887, Page 6

THE CONTRIBUTOR.

[Weekly Press.]

_, T , A talented fellow con. TheHorrors tr . butor C ontri- ■ °* butcd an account of some Dryixg Dat. ne „ dlscovcry which was to rob washing day of half its horrois. I don't know whether it has done so, though to judge from the keroseny smell of some of my garments a week or two ago, the new plan had been tried by the partner of my hearth, and home, and purse. But if the kerosene treat-Went has done what its admirers say it docs, iV has not robbed drying day of any of its horrors. I must here mention that a short time ago tlie family of which lam the nominal head mbved i_t» a new house, to which was attached a piece of garden. This is a great recommendation to any house in my eyes, for I am a hard rider of that most harmless "and useful of hobbies, gardening. This particular piece of garden had been uncultivated for several years, and had as fine a collection of weeds in it as any piece of its size I ever saw. However, a sturdy unemployed, for a consideration, removed the turf from a portion of theground and dug it over. I followed with rake and seeds and in a week or two everything looked ship-shape. Now, I thought, I will dig up a bit more myself. But oh, no, " All the rest of this garden is wanted for drying clothes," said the real head of the house. "But, my dear—"l expostulated ,*■" Mr A. do you want your washing put'out, or done at home?" I was floored in one act and gave in. There was no question in my own mind as to which I preferred, but for reasons which all men who have paid washing bills will understand, I refrained from stating my preference, and now my grievance is that I can only have a few square yards of garden because a lot of horrid wet clothes want the rest to dry in. As it is, my passage to my little plot on certain days in the week, is attended with smacks in the face from garments flying in the breeze. But I have an idea ! It is that on Monday, which I fancy is the day generally set aside for the orgies of the washtub, the Park shall be available for any housewife who wants a nice airy place to dry her washing in. Clothes-lines, pegs, poles, together with the necessary amount of ground, can be hired from a paternal city council and the family washing day be made a regular picnic. The young people could have drying-bees, as it were. Then no more shall the wail of the housewife be heard as she finds a whole line-full of things blown- off on to " that nasty garden," and no more shall the amateur gardener bemoan bis finest row of peas knocked to shreds by flapping sleeves, and contentment shall fill the soul of Adam.

- „- -Tr- We are told that the Joys of the _, ~ „ . , _ . . p Parcels Post system is in p ' full working order, but how many know the rules of this new system? Why have they not been made public ? I conceived the idea of astonishing a friend the other day with a present, and having ascertained that it was under one lb. in weight, I was told that it would cost sevenpence. I carefully fixed the necessary stamps, and with all the pride of one who is doing a kind action popped it in the box, and walked off imagining the joy my friend would experience on receipt thereof, " Just what I wanted;'' " How good, &c. Could I have seen the reality 1 I don't think I should have aspired to a good action again—but there now, is it not a blessing we are not all gifted with second sight. My friend got the parcel safe, but had to pay sixpence fine " because it had been posted in the box."

What a scrape it got mc in. My old friend hinted that I was an ass. Yet how should I know better? I imagined that as long as the parcel bore the correct postage it would be all right. Vain delusion. Why, in thunder was there no notice that parcels must be handed over at the counter ? And why should they be handed over that way—except in cases of perishable or large parcels? Suppose a workman wants to send a small parcel, must he lose time to post it at the counter? I think that rule could be amended. ,

Now comes the funny part. I received a small package, bearing stamps to the value of sixpence. Ho. ho! thinks I, the vigilant eye of the postal officials must have had a beam in it for once. Curious, I weighed that parcel; exactly the same weight as the one I had sent —same de*seription of parcel—wherefore this discrepancy. As the parcel had to be returned I determined to see it " through " myself; accordingly I handed it over—sevenpence I mildly intimated that it only cost sixpence coming. "Oh, book post, ehf " Y-e-e-s," I stammered. " Sixpence ; put it in the box." Now, why should that parcel only cost sixpence, and one similar in description and of the. same weight cost sevenpence, and be fined sixpence ? Is the odd penny for the privilege of handing it over the counter ? Littoral.

It is over. For many AT L.AST. long years have I nursed in my innermost bosom a joke or a smart reply, call it which you will. In the first instance it occurred to mc, as most good things do, ten minutes too late. Astonishing, isn't it, how often really brilliant remarks occur to you when walking home alone after the merry evening ? How very much merrier evenings would be but for this baneful procrastination on the fart of mankind's finest jokes. However, was dining at a house containing a number of charming damsels. Their number was not so large as it had been a week previously, a fact which was not altogether unconnected with a certain ceremony which had taken place in a neighbouring church. I was not present at the ceremony and the occasion to which I am alluding was the first time I had visited the bereaved household since the calamity aforesaid. So that it 'was not surely unnatural for one of the remaining sisters to remark "Dear mc, Mr R., since we saw you last we have lost our sister.'' I gasped for breath and turned quite faint. Here was the opportunity I had been waiting for through many weary years. Recovering myself by a strong effort "Oh, no, Miss Turtle," I replied, with that wonderful grace which ls perhaps my most marked characteristic; "Not lost—not lost, but gone before," and really the reply did not, for various reasons, I imagine, seem to be wholly distasteful to my fair vis-a-vis. Rtjsticus.