THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Press, Volume XVIII, Issue 2535, 16 June 1871, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Do you read tbe Commercial and Agricultural Reports ? I do. I have done so for a long time. They are not perhaps the most interesting part of the paper to the majority of your readers, but when you have no opportunity of drinking " Hennessy's case in bulk" or " bottled malt liquors in first hands" (whatever that may mean) there is a certain mild satisfaction in reading about them. It is a literary way of flattening your nose against the window of a cook shop. A commercial report, however valuable, is not exactly the place one would expect to find anything funny. But virtue is sometimes rewarded, (not often .mind), and I actually flushed an approach to a joke in the last Otago Daily Times commercial. Here it is. " In candles there has been a light business at last quotations." A lig/it business do you see? For a "commercial" it's not only funny but a curiosity of literature. I thought, I must say, that you sought in the pages of the Press to keep clear of all personality. I believed in the Press, I believed in everything I read there, except my own productions, and though I have as much faith as most men, I don't mind admitting, in the strictest confidence of course, that I cannot believe in them. Yes, I did believe in the Press, but after that paragraph about Loafers, which you actually went out of your way to reprint from the Taranaki Herald, my feelings are hurt and my confidence is greatly shaken. My impression is, after a careful perusal of the paragraph in question, that the writer knows nothing whatever about loafers. He says, " the necessity of having to sustain a small standing army in New Zealand has created so large a number of highly-respec-table able-bodied loafers"—please notice the double barrelled adjectives—(by the way I hope they are adjectives, or else, like Mrs Malaprop, I- shall have some fellow casting aspersions upon my parts of speech)—let's see where was I ? oh ! " highly respectable able-bodied loafers, that it is something frightful to contemplate," especially " plaintively," adds the writer, " as most of them have votes." The standing army of New Zealand, wherever that intrepid force may be just now, has nothing to do with the loafing interest, and I object to a loafer being made a political man of in this way. It is not fair. The great principle of loafing, says the writer, is '■ to shirk hard work by every possible means." That is quite correct, but the shirking the hard work, involves really more hard work than the hard work itself. i It does, I give you my word ; and were it \ not for the principle of the thing, I should have become a horny-handed son of toil long ago,—regular British workman, yon know ; come home every evening in moleskin trousers and a bag of tools on my shoulder, wife and dog meeting mc at the garden gate, and all that sort of thing. See illustrated-papers 00-this subject. I have sacrificed all this to my principles, and you go and insert paragraphs derogatory to Loafers. Without being of a very compassionate nature, I wish to offer my most respectful sympathy to a recent correspondent of yours who signs himself " Stranger." " Stranger," it appears, wanted to go to church, and after standing for nearly a quarter of an hour in the pouring rain ,he found that no strangers were ad- J mittcd until the bell had ceased ringing, and j as he was wet through by that time, he]

"retired. TJpbn my word, thoughTl do gqio church myself sometimes, I can't blame him. • But on the other hand, I am afraid " Stranger" is not a man of business. The " elite" he speaks of are, I imagine, people who have paid for their seats ; and even Christchurch Christians, so far as my experience goes, like to get the value of their money in matters ecclesiastical as well as anything else. Voluntary contribution, however pretty it may seem, does not work. You, my esteemed Christian brethren) who like this sort of thing, who don't approve of the mercantile aspect of paying for sittings, and who patronise the free seats on principle ; how much do you put in the bag every Sunday ? Do you put in threepence ? I know you are all earnest Christians (that is the correct phrase, I believe), and you all feel on coming out of church like Tennyson's " Northern Farmer," that " You thowt he said what he owt to a' said when you corned awaay;" but that delightful internal consciousness of having done the correct thing won't maintain yonr pastor, you know. Without in any way wishing to be profane which is awfully bad taste at any time, I don't mind admitting for" Stranger's" benefit that the porch of St. John's Church on Sunday evening reminds mc sometimes of the Adelph 1 Theatre on the night of a new farce; but it's the fault of the system and not of the church authorities, and I don't see auy remedy myself, unless Christians become more liberal in the matter of volunteering donations. I am a long way out of my latitude on such a subject,but I regret so deeply that"A Stranger" couldn't get to church, that I feel we owe him countless apologies. Next time he tries St. John's. I may humbly suggest an umbrella, goloshes, patience, and a shilling for the ba"-. lam not quite sure that it is so good for us after all to entertain angels unawares, but if " Stranger" can give us a hint on Church matters I shall change my opinion at once. I hate monopolies, Ido indeed; I have never been lucky enough myself to get hold of one. Should Ibe fortunate enough to do so at any time I shall go in for them naturally enough, but at present I am dead against them. The most hateful monopoly I know of is a Licensed Victualling monopoly. There is one in this town. I never like to become personal, but there are parties here who possess too great a proportion of this world's goods in the Licensed Victualling line ; they have got, in point of fact, several large hotels, with bars in connection". I object this. Suppose Igo to the Goose and Gridiron, an hotel belonging to one of these parties, and neglect to pay my score there with my usual punctuality, my credit at the Goose and Gridiron is gone,:but I do not see why that should preclude mc from getting credit at the Goat and Compasses. Now, owing to this monopoly, my operations in the way of beer are considerably limited. The brotherhood no doubt pass the word from one to the other, and I find if my credit be gone at one house it is gone at the whole four. I should like to have met the gentleman who wrote the account of this " square city," I could have given him a hint or two. He has not quite done justice to the name of Oram. I am glad to see Mr Joynt has gone in for Kaiapoi. It is not quite clear from that gentleman's statement of his views under which king he intends to speak or die (Shakespeare), but Mr Joynt has made. one little mistake ; he says " it Would not be right in any representative to seek the aggrandisement of any one district to the detriment of the whole province." Why, my view of a member's duties is diametrically opposite to this. Never mind the whole province, Mr Joynt; so long as Kaiapoi gets all it wants, you will be the man for Kaiapoi. 1 can confidently recommend to Mr Joynt or any other member, to go the whole hog for his constituency ; experience shows us that it works well. I hope Mr Joynt will act up to my suggestion, and keep on neglecting the province and sticking up for Kaiapoi. I like Kaiapoi city, and should go there ofteher if it were not for the tolls.