FICTITIOUS CORRESPONDENTS.

Press, Volume XVIII, Issue 2492, 26 April 1871, Page 3

FICTITIOUS CORRESPONDENTS.

TO THE EDITOR OF THE PRESS. | S IR) _-* Indeed if we desired harm to the Press we should encourage the habit, for we know nothing more likely to undermine the character of a public journal, than the continual use of fictitious correspondents of a violent partisan tone."—-Vie?. Lyttelton Times. The Press will no doubt be delighted to know bow anxious the Lyttelton Times is that "fictitious correspondence" should ceass for fear of lowering the tone of that journal. The Press ought to feel deeply grateful to the editor of the Lyttelton Times for his kindly advice, as he i.s evidently one of those individuals who, while exhibiting the watchful and matronly care of a Betsy Prig, does not fail to disclose the rarer and more endearing qualities of a Sairey Gamp. I have not the slightest doubt, sir. that the only reason the editor of the Lyttelton Times can give for his tender regard is the fear that be experiences of your •'lowering tbe tone of your paper." I believe, sir, that in expressing this opinion he is actuated by no other motive than the sinccrest aud most disinterested desire for tbe welfare of your paper, and I would be almost tempted to believe him if he said that he wept over any defects in your valuable columns, like as a father would over a '* lost child." I have thought myself that the public also were of the same opinion. Some people tell mc that I am mistaken, and tbat in reality the public enjoys nothing so much as a nice gentlemanly and racy piece of personality, such as appeared in the columns of your contemporary, a few days ago, and that the demand, in consequence, was very large, and altogether unprecedented ; whilst the rollicking burst of wit that appeared in the L'cening Periwinkle, in tbe form of a telegram, has, I am told, quite electrified the suburbans. The only drawback is, that having commenced the supply it will have to be kept up, aud I am at a loss to know where the literary talent is to be found to supply the Winkle with such brilliant and startling Hashes of humor and wit. Those heavenly sparks ••come like shadows —so depart:" they are like angels' visits, few and far between. But how dare the public look for anything else ? Has not the Winkle clearly established itself as a "guiding star?" and is it not true that it is a ministering angel now ? It is a long, long time since the Winkle indulged an appreciative and excited public with anything " original; " may I hope that for the future it will not disappoint the hope that leapt within my breast when I read the telegram in question. The man who wrote that, sir, is worthy of better things ; audi, for one, appreciate the *'goak." It affords mc the greatest fun, however, hearing some dull fool, who is unable to fathom the deep humor hidden under the " wide-awake" of the writer of such a wonderful production, asking a fellow—" can you make it out ? what's the meaning of it ? " Well, I'll be hanged if I know ; perhaps it refers to the Governor's old, shabby, velvet coat. And allow mc sir, to express my humble opinion that I consider it neither very politic nor very loyal to make such a subject the point of an enormously funny telegram, and more particularly in an organ of the greatest influential public opinion, and of the greatest and world-renowned respectability and celebrity. I should not be at all surprised to hear that Captain Kidd, A.D.C., has called on the Winkle for a full and ample explanation. Your obedient servant, Cockle's Pills. P.S.—Since writing the above I was agreeably surprised to see that there was evidently no probability of the brilliant flashes of wit that emanate from the " Winkle " running short. I was delighted to see that there was a fountain head, and one, too, of no mean order, capable of supplying the " Winkle" with a perfect overflow of sparkling effusions, such as appeared in its advertising columns of last night. You can hardly imagine, sir, what a relief I felt, because after the great telegraphic effort I was extremely doubtful that the vein of humor could be sustained. I The brain that could concoct such a wondrous piece of intellectual wit as the telegram in question, must necessarily have some rest, aud nothing surprised mc more than to see the supply so quickly followed up. My doubts, however, are now at rest—my mind is at ease. There is evidently genius behind tbe scenes ; and genius, be it remembered, of the highest and most intellectual order, in fact, I might safely add, polished and educated genius. The very thought and wording of thcGovernment clerk advertisement is sufficient to convince any sceptic of the large reserve of gentlemanly talent tbe " Winkle " possesses. By the way, I notice that, however, well posted in good solid English, the " Winkle " is a long way from being able to spell French correctly ; in fact, it is unable to spell its own name. For in my school days we used to spell Star in French Etoile. Probably being at the Antipodes, the case is altered aud tbe proper spelling is " Etoil," as appears in the "Winkle" the other evening. I do sincerely hope that the " Winkle " will not be ill-natured enough to look upon mc as a critic, because " 'pon my soul" I abhor the name, and may I express a hope that it won't throw the ignorant spelling upon the shoulders of Captain Pitt, A.D.C. c. r.