Out of the Letter-box.

Bruce Herald, Volume XXXX, Issue 98, 23 December 1904, Page 3

Out of the Letter-box.

My Dear Kitty,— Money must surely be plentiful with you, when you could send me two 6d telegrams in one day, simply to enquire if I was still alive, and why your last letter had not been replied to. One reason we have been without a maid, she left in a hurry, when she found she was i expected to help with the spring or rather sumj mer cleaning. We left it late this year as j mother wanted the house to look clean and fresh at Xmas. So glad you enjoyed the Invercargill show, and I was pleased to,see your mother's name so prominent amongst the prize-takers. I quite agree with Bob that he is entitled to part of the prizes (the money prizes anyhow — for it must be hard work putting the milk from twelve cows through the separator ; but whatever would he do with half the prizes. Amongst other things I see your mother won a bonnet at 3° 9 > a ' so a rustling silk petticoat. Do you fancy Bob would be seen riding his bicycle and wearing a rustling petticoat, or would he rather go to church in a 30s bonnet ? Speaking of chinch that reminds me of something. A few weeks ago I was from home for nearly a fortnight, visiting the P. K.'s. A church anniversary or something of the kind was celebrated while I was there, and of course we all went dressed in our best, both as regards manners and clothes. A large congregation filled the small building, which was tastefully decorated lor the occasion, especially the end where the minister presides. .On either side of the rostrum are two imitation box rooms about 511 square and 7ft high, they are minus roofs of iheir own, and are finished off with a fancy ledge about tight inches broad. Through -one box, the minister and two other gentlemen popped into the church, and onto the rostrum. As I said most of the decorations were round about there, these ledges being particularly handy for the display of vegetables. Two hu^e elephant-skin turnips were the corner stones, auly supported by a couple of immense brocoli ; three giant carrots, bunched together, smiled greetings to the same number of parsnips, which • might have been shown as a splendid advt. of somebody's fertiliser, advertised in the liruce Herald. Close to the wall, and almost above the two " waiting to speak ! gentlemen's heads, were two of the bigger pumpkins I ever saw. I asked Jenny il sh. thought the minister and his satellites weiinsured against accidents, fatal or otherwise, a . they were running a fair chance of being brained on the spot. I had no ears for the speaker, nothing but eyes for those vegetables. All went merrily for some time, a frantic round of applause making the dangling carrots and parsnips jig gaily to each other, The The church at length became more than warm and for ventilation the two doors in the parson's entrance box, were opened, and everyone breathed more freely. The speaker filled his lungs for a special effort, and 1 just caught the words " Friends I tell you it is only a question of time, and when the time is ripe, great will be the fall thereof"— the words were hardly said, than down banged one corner tdrnip, nearly knocking over the minister. The two "waiting to speak" gentlemen jumped up in a panic, and the commotion Unbalanced one of the pumpkins, which split in two with a sound like thunder. The one " waiting to speak " gentleman became furiously angry, and vowed he had been grossly insulted, at which everybody laughed ; before proceeding further witti our meeting the other gentleman said, "we will remove these exceedingly handsome, but highly dangerous vegetables," and only the carrots and parsnips were lett of all the goodly show. When that gentleman spoke, he wound up with ?. little prayer about sudden death. The minister hung on to his foot for such a long time we thought his toe must be broken, but it turned out that a barometrical corn, already in a wild state of excitement owing to the changeable weather, had been violently assaulted. The meeting broke ug shortly after. " That shall not happen again ' the minister was heard to remark. " ftot as far as I am concerned " said the an.;ry gentleman stepping ott the platform. Tlij minister had to make a little apology' on Ins behalf ; saying the sudden fright had dr.ven all his funny remarks out of his head. Jenny said that was of no consequence, as he was somewhat of a bore, ana he might l>e thankful nothing but his remarks were scanned. Here I am at the end of my paper, and ..ot half said that I intended. Mother you know has not been very well but " that's another story. All join me in wishing you individually and collectively a Merry Xraas and ttte Happiest of New Years, and let me remind you, it is blessed to lorgive, so forgive m • for being so dilatory in writings and _ I pro.nise to wnti again soon.— Your old friend, fa Grace.