"Me and the King"

Bruce Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 63, 12 August 1902, Page 8

"Me and the King"

Soene —Hotel Cccil — a quiet parlor." , Time — Uncertain, J Enter — Edward Rex— incog. Dick— the one and only risea to greet him. Rex : ' Good evening, Dick, how are j you getting along/ Dick : * Ulad to see your Majesty? fairly satisfactory — shall I ring for'—: Bex : Thaokß, yes ! I've been coming down for a quiet chat for some weeks; bat have always been too busy. ] Dick : Oh ! That comes of haviog < incapable men. Ministers, I mean. j Now I've always time, because I know how to deal with them that you stand no humbug. Now, when I was on the West Coast — ' Rex : ' Pray ! pardon me. I recognise — everyone does — your marvellous genius, but alas ! some of us are born commonplace characters. But how have they been treating you at the Colonial Office and so forth V Dick : • None too well ! I'm blocked ; at every point through jealousy; fact' Rex : * They won't take up your little ideas, eh V Dick : * Little ideas J Why look here Edward, beg pardon, " Tour Ma- ■ jesty,' yon want a man like me in London, I'd show them a thing or two.' Rex : • For example ? Dick : Free trade with the colonies only, clear out the Colonial Office, put up-to-date meu in charge, put' soldiers at the head ot the "War Office, not carpet knights, break op the large estates, and—' Res : ' Hold on, Dick, the first three might be possible, bat an poor old John Mannprs sang, " Leave us still our old aristocracy! *, Dick : ' Aristocracy ! Faugh ! What's that ? I'm no aristocrat, and yet I'm hard to beat.' Rex : * True, Dick, true.' Dick : ' Give me the job. I'll break them up— -estates and all — for a consideration.' Rex : ' Oh let's give politics a rest. What aoout social life in New Zealand 1 How do you live ? What do you eat and drink ?' Dick: 'New Zealand's the diadem of your crown, your Majesty. Can'c be wipad out. As for eacm' and drinkin' well, on the West Co^st — ' Rex (aside) : ' Oh, he'd started again ; '> that coast.' Dick : ' They drink mostly whisky and water, but wbisky most; in Wellington a good deal, of beer; in Otago and Southland Hondii- Lanka tea.' Rex ■. Hondai what ? Dick : Oh, that's a famous tea we have the monopoly of in New Zealand. If I livrd in Otago I'm afraid 1 should turn a tea-totaller. Excuse the pan.' Rex . But is it better than what you get here ?' Dick •. ' Batter ? I tell you Ed— your Majesty — everything's better in New Zealand.' Rex : But George said the weather was bad, wet you know.' Dick: ' Oh they need a lot of water there for mixing with the whisky and infusing (masking) the tea I told you of. It suit'? us.' 1 Rex : Ob, ah ha V Dick : No^ tlm Houdni-Laoka tea is pure, comes packed and sealed from Ceylon, and in mpcrted io enormous quantities. Many of my supporters ÜBe it. It's immense, I tell you ' R x : I wish I could taite it.' Dick : L've got a packet in my carpet bag. Ju.s wait, and we'll have a cup ' Rex : Thanks, ever co much.' Dick : Yhh, you'll find it like our Contingents — Io >ks well, can stand hot water and plenty of it, and i 3 all it claims to be. Tlie best going ! Wait a bit, and I'll get my bag.' (Exit Dick, while Rex funcbles in his pockst for his solid Gold Diamondmoanted Drinking Cup), &c. ' Century Legends.'