CONNUBIAL BUSS.

Bruce Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 3030, 24 January 1899, Page 3

CONNUBIAL BUSS.

] ; ]ftpl?aßßS t>F ENGLAND. 1 Better than college honours, Better than platform applauße, Is to be the mother of gallant men Guarding (Sreat Britain's shores. Better than Woman's Suffrage, Better than visible might, -1b a mother's band on the son's life halm, Steering his course aright. Better than pulseless monumnnt, Better than public acclaim. Is to=live again in; a noble Bon, - True uutlipr.of;hife fame. : Mothers: (fear niotliuis of England, H*st bulwarks of Britain's shore, Guarding our ci>unl rv's greatness, With your nmtlwi hood strong and pure. Arming our English manhood With the brciiMplatu of your love, With tho sword of national righteousness, Tlie hcJmel of prayers lieard above. Mothers, dear mothers of England, The Hngds might envy your nsigiit* The might of a woman's weakness When blent with the courage of right. 4-4-AN ABSENT MAN'S WEDDING DAY. When John Kemble, the great tragedian, was married, he went to the theatre in the evening, and acted as usual, and it was remarked, with as much self-possession and tranquility as before. This was a great proof of the wonderful command that John Kemblo had overall the springs of pfl3sion, quelling or pouring them forth at will, but the real fact was that ho had forgotten all about tho marriage, for after the play was over, instead of going home to his new better-half.and the friends who were waiting to take a parting glass, and wish him ever so much happiness, he went to his bachelor's home; and the friends were astonished when ten o'clock came, and he was to be at home, that no John arrived, neither at eleven or at twelve. Off to the theatre three of them sallied. " Mr. Kemble left at half- past nine." " Where did he go to, sir ?" " He was driven to the Temple." Perhaps he had gone to take a garcon's farewell, and was lingering yet fondly ovei the remains of the bachelorhood. Arrived at the door of the chambers, the bell was pulled once, twice, thrice, with no result, and they were on the point of going away when ths window opened, and the great John asked, as he might of the ghost of papa Hamlet. " Who is there ?" " Why, Kemble, what are you doing there ? We have been expecting you these three hours, and your wife, Mrs. Kemble, is disti acted. '' " My wife ?" replied John. "What ? Yea, I remember. T had forgotten it." And the innocent John Boon let in his friends. <4uite forgetting the morning's engagement to enact the part of husband for life, he had gone home to bed, tallowed his nose, and was quietly tucked in for the night. What Mrs. J. K. said when he was brought home deponent Baid not. 4.4. Mrs. Gadd — I saw y'r husband on th' street yesterday. He looked very solemn, I thought. Has ho got religion ? Mrs. Gabb— Noo; it's only dyspepsia. ■*"*• A henpecked husband said in extenuation of his wife's raids upon his scalp, " You sea she takes her own hair off so easily, she doesn't know how it hurts to have mine pulled out." A Bible expounder, in speaking of Adam, said: " When Adam awoke from his first sleep he discovered Eve. I may here be apropos to remark, that he was ' on the eve of a great discovery.' But it turned out that Adam's fiist sleep was his last repose.' 1 ■*••*• When Brigham Young rcceivol the boxes containing the important silk dresses and cashmere shawls for his thirty wives, lie said to a friend: '* Ah, if you knew the cost of these goods yon would not believe for a moment that i practised polygamy as an earthly pleasure. No, sir! it is with me a stern duty." •*••*■ " Henry," cried P.lrs. Von Toodles, grasping her somnolent husband by the arm. " Henry, there are burglars in the house. Gut up anil go down." " Utter nonsense, my dear," returned Henry. "You wouldn't have a man of my social position associating with burglars, would you '! You astonish me." 4-4-In liing George H's time Lord E married three wives, who were all his servants; a beggar woman meeting him one day in the street, made him a very low curtdey. '"Ah. God Almighty bless you." said she, " and send you a long life; if you do but live long enough I may be lady E— . " 4-<f Domestic Troubles. — "A nice husband you are! " said Klqdatne in a passion. " You care less about me than about those pet animals of yours. Look what you did when your poodle, Azor, died.'' Husband (quietly): Well, l had him stuffed. Wife (exasperated): You wouldn't have gone to that expense for me — not you, indeed." 4-4-A nobleman went to a pawnbroker to "borrow a thousand pounds upon his wife's jevsclss and paid, "I want you to take the stones out of the settings and put false ones in their stead, as I do not want my "wife to know that 1 have pawned them." " You are too late," said the pawnbrokeis " for I purchased the real stones of my lady a year ago." 4- •*■ •"The whisper of a beautiful woman," says liiii'zuc, " can be heard further, than the loudest call of duty." But the man who is creeping up stairs, with his boots off, at, two "o'clock a m., and hears the whisper of his wife as he Jeans over the banisters, in the darkness, doesn't think, of her bt-auty. His chief thought is how mUjCh he would 3ike to exchange his boots for a pair of wings. 4-4-Infantine Innocence. — Little Ada and her mamma are in the brougham, with just abont one second to spare in order to. catclvthe train at the station. Lisette, the hsiy's maid,- is closing the --carriage door. Ada insists upon, getting out again; Bhe has not kissed her papa; She is forcibly detained and assured there is riottime. " Very well, then, JLisette, you go to papa; give him one of- your sweetest kisses, and tell him I hadn't time to come myself." 4-4-A child, while walking through an art gal Tefy with her mother, was attracted by » statue of Minerva. "Who is that? " said she. " My child, that is Minerva,the goddess of wisdom." " Why, didn't they make her husband, too?" .■.-.., •• .Because she Had none, my child. *• That was because Bhe was wise, wa»n & it, mamma? " was the artless reply.